Death vs Life

So, many people don't know this, but I am a deep thinker. I think about life in depth a lot. How it is, how it should be, why it is the way it is, etc. Hopefully this won't be a long post, but I just want to get this out because I've been thinking about it for a minute. For those hat don't know, I'm a Chicago native. Nowadays many people fear Chicago because of its high violence and crime rate. And I will say living in Chicago is rough. Death is as common as a black woman and perm these days. And it is perceived as the norm. Someone asked me why is there so much violence in Chicago and it's accepted and not much is really done about it. I believe that humanity has learned how to not care for life and humanity anymore. There's way too much oppression that's going on for anybody to say that life and humanity are sincerely appreciated. I often fear for the black men in my city, especially those that I know, because it is hard living everyday as a black man. I was waiting for the bus one day and a black man was walking down the street just minding his business. Out of nowhere, the police blocked him and was searching him for a long time only to let him go. And this isn't the first time I've seen this. People are killing each other and stealing from one another. Sometimes, stealing is the only option for some people. People kill each other for money. Money is valued much more than life if you ask me. But back to my point, life just isn't valued anymore. Whenever people hear of a death on tv here in Chicago, we just shake our heads. If we watched the news and heard of no killings for the day, that would actually be surprising (or just violence in general). If life was truly valued, there wouldn't be racism, sexism, social and economic disparity, and hate. Even on Twitter, Wikipedia, Facebook, and the internet in general, there have times when rumors of a super star was dead and they are yet still on this side of the River Jordan. That's sick. Even when people are getting beat up or robbed and others are nearby, they generally don't defend or help the victim. I just think it's a sad reality that we do not value life. I'm not even sure where to begin to try to attempt to repair humanity. The issue is that big and healing would be that significant. If we honestly loved with the heart of Christ and acted in the morality of Christ, this world would be completely. I often dream of what God's kingdom should look like and when I wake up and face the world, it hurts to see how huge the difference is. But I have the faith that humanity can bounce back. It will take time, but it's not impossible. Well that was it. I got that out my system so now I'm happy.Ta Ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

CONFESSIONS OF A MUSIC JUNKIE

Sooo...a few times a week, I look for new music. Sometimes it's just of my favorite artists and sometimes it's just in general to see what's out there. While I was on a 5 hr train ride, I started lookin' up music by R Kelly, hoping to find some new stuff by him...thank the sweet baby Jesus that the King of R&B seems to still be doin' his thing! Now I'm just gon post a few youtube video links so you can listen to them. Some of these songs belong on a potential TP-4 album! And then some of his songs are just good period - great instrumental, words, etc. I wonder if I should start posting a lot of the new music that I find, but anywho hope you enjoy some of these songs that I found cuz I know I sure do! P.S. some of these songs aren't complete, but they're still a nice start and whatnot. I JUST READ THAT R KELLY IS WORKING ON ALBUM CALLED BLACK PANTIES...WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE 12 PLAY!! Take yo birth control ladies cuz it sounds like a baby makin album!

Blast From The Past: Friendship + Sex

First of all before I start this topic, I absolutely must get something very important off of my chest...me and Ludacris are meant to be together. Lol now I needed to say that because it's just way too many coincidences that me and him have that support my case. For instance, there was one time in DC he had a Conjure Cognac party and I really wanted to go but didn't have the money. So I tried to get in the club before 10:00 p.m. so I could get in free, but we got to the front of the line at like 10:03 and the man tried to charge me $40. Thank goodness to my features, club dress, and manipulative ways, I got in that bitch for $10 lol. But anywho, when he finally got on stage at the club, guess who he gave some Conjure Cognac to? Yeah you already know...ME! And he gave me 3 cups lol see that's love. Also, I rapped on the mic his lyrics to P-Poppin lol that man loves me. Then he has RTed me TWICE...not once...twice! That's because he loves me. And the first time he tweeted me was when I told him he must have found out he's a married man because of the rumor at the time. And he tweeted me to clarify and reassure me that I am still the one for him lmao. And I have both of his products, Conjure Cognac and Soul by Ludacris headphones (which are GREAT by the way! Go cop 'em!) accounts following me on Twitter. AND my tweet is featured on his Soul by Ludacris website lol he wants me included in all areas of his life. See all my evidence?? lol you can't say I'm crazy now...all that is just way too coincidental for it to simply be a coincidence, it's fate...it's our destiny. lol I know I sound crazy, but anywho into the actual topic of today's post.

Had a very interesting conversation with one of my close friends a couple of days ago. Basically one of his friends (which is a mutual friend) has proposed to him that they become fuck buddies. Now, I addressed this topic in an earlier post, but this conversation enlightened me on some things (and well I was actually out of this world when I was talking to him so I was thinking thoughts I probably normally wouldn't have thought about). The first thing I thought (since I know the both of them) was why was my friend asked this question. If a friend ever asks you to be sex buddies, listen. Out of all their friends in the world, they decided to ask you. Now, because this rose as a concern to me, I immediately thought about how complicated sex can make this friendship. Now I know that one of them can have sex without being emotionally attached, but the other person, not so much. I think feelings would develop from one person and the other not feel the same way, hence causing major tension in the friendship. And at this point, their friendship has grown a lot closer. Also, when considering becoming sex buddies with a close friend, seriously think about how sex can change the friendship and is the friendship at that very moment worth risking?

HOWEVER, on the flip side (yes there is a flip side), there can be definitely be a positive side to becoming sex buddies with a close friend. For those that don't know me, I like to take life on a ride and I also think that complicating your friendship with sex can be one hell of a ride. You have the emotional connection with a friend on top of (hopefully) mind blowing, boot knocking, headboard banging, out of this world...sex. And to be honest, this can be the ride of a lifetime. For all you know, this person can be the one. I have always told myself that I want to fall in love with my friend. I feel like the man I will hopefully be with will start off as my best friend. And well sex has the power to take a friendship to a whole different level. But I do wonder, can one honestly have emotionless sex with a close friend? I mean strong feelings have already developed between close friends without sex...think of how it would be including sex. Another thing that I thought about is fear. My friend was on the fence about the decision and so when he was talking about the negative side of the situation, I asked him what was he afraid of. Often times we allow fear to cripple us in so many areas of life - professional, social, sexual, intellectual, emotional...and the list goes on. I asked him are you satisfied with the idea of this fear holding you back from saying yes? Is fear being a productive role in your decision making? Quite honestly, sometimes fear can be good. It will keep you in check and can potentially protect you from unknown dangers. However, fear can also deprive you of a lifelong happiness. If you are ever put in this situation, evaluate how valid (or invalid) your fear is in regards to the situation. So what is my verdict on the issue of friends with benefits? Well after the conversation that I had plus my own personality, I think I would personally take another risk and have a friend with benefits parter, when I'm ready for an emotional connection. Right now, no strings attached lol that's that good ole single life for ya! There were some other thoughts I had on this topic from the conversation that I can't recall now. Smh I should have blogged about this topic right when I first thought about doing so...shame on me. Anywho, leave your comments, questions, and concerns on this post. Hope this shines a brighter light on that situation and challenges you in thinking...or something lol newho ta ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

Real Vs Reality

So for the past couple of months (and for a couple more months), I have been taking advantage of the Netflix free month deal they have going on. Now I wanted Netflix because I wanted to be able to catch up on great shows that I never watched before since I'm not such a tv head. The first show that I said I would watch was Desperate Housewives. I know that I'm extremely late, but this show is absolutely GREAT! (My fav character is Bree...lowkey she's a goon and she gets mad respect from me lol) I have been depriving myself of this show all of this time!! I love this show for several reasons, but mainly because it makes me think. I love this show because to me honestly it might be one of the realest shows out on television. We often paint this picture of perfection of what life is and should be, but on Wisteria Lane, these perfect houses with perfect looking families all have secrets behind closed doors. And not just little secrets, huge, blown up, in your face, Jerry Springer and Maury type drama. To me the show challenges the perception of love, sacrifice, and morality. And I love the underlining hints of religion (not surprising huh). But anywho while I was watching this show, it made me think about what is real and reality.

To me, the concept of "real" or "realness" is nothing but societal standards. It is sometimes sad to see people strive for a social construct that can't and won't be obtainable. One always says that they want someone who is real, that keeps it 100, however, that concept can never be obtained. The reality of the matter is that there is no one who will keep it 100. The reality is people are human and always will be. When will we ever accept that? Even with the characters of Desperate Housewives, the bonds of their friendships are everlasting, but it was always tested. That's just how it is in life. The reality is that life is nowhere near perfect. Life is very complex and challenging and we always try to downplay the reality of this thing called life. Why is always so hard to accept the bad in life? We always try to cover it up with social colloquialisms that are by society's standards and not defined by our own standards. Imagine defining what life means to you and fully living it out, whether it is what is considered "moral" "right" "weird". Point is, we confined something so vast as life by allowing others to dictate to us who we should be and how we should live. The concept of real simply doesn't exist. The reality of the concept of real and realness are that it's unattainable. Life is challenging, embrace it and conquer it. That is all! Back to finishing off this episode of Desperate Housewives courtesy of good ole Netflix!

And We're Having This Conversation Because...

So I have come to the conclusion that I have "aspirations to be an ordained minister" slapped on my forehead...only visible to others and not myself. I say this because I am always and forever greeted with a religious conversation. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy them but I would be lying if I was to say that I've thoroughly enjoyed every single conversation that I have ever had in regards to Christianity...a bold face lie.
I had this one conversation with a salesman in Verizon Wireless (when I was being upgraded to the iPhone ministry.....that's somethin to SHOUT ABOUT! HUUUUUH!!!!!) and he seemed interested in me and was asking me personal questions and whatnot. So of course when he asked what do I want to become or do with my degree I told him how I wanted to become an ordained minister. His whole demeanor changed (in a good way). It seemed like the thought that was evident on his face was something he had on his mind for a very long time and was enthusiastic to have this conversation with me. He began to tell me how he does not believe in the holy Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. To be honest, I don't remember his points because what he was saying wasn't really valid, but I told him why I believe in the Trinity. I pretty much said I serve a God that's so great that he is three persons. God is the father, God is Jesus Christ (the son) and God is the Holy Spirit. It's a matter of getting to know God in those three different lights (on top of God being Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Shalom, etc.). At the end of the conversation I honestly asked myself what was the point of all of that?
That conversation to me was one of those pointless religious conversations that seem to be oh so popular in the Christian world. We were charged with a commandment, correction the GREATEST commandment which is to love and we want to debate about if God is one person or three persons. We can't even love our brothers and sisters (regardless if they're black, white, gay, straight, bi, etc), but we want to discuss what happens in the afterlife and we can't this lifetime that we've been alloted to be right at all. We dare argue about if Jesus Christ is black, but we can't serve the least of these. We're all guilty of it. It just annoys me from time to time when people just talk and have discussions just for the sake of having them. Like some of them are seriously pointless. There have been times where I just had to end the conversation because there was no real purpose in continuing it. It was beyond the point of agree to disagree it was just the fact of the matter is the conversation is pointless. I just had to share that little tidbit with you all. And because I said I was going to try and blog more. It is kind of therapeutic in a way...I'll try to keep this up. Anywho ta ta for now! XOXO 

Sex S-E-X..."Daily Dick Diet"

Today's blog title was inspired by S.E.X. by Waka Flocka and the phrase "daily dick diet" came from Ludacris song entitled "Keep It On The Hush" from his Word of Mouf album....my fav album by him *smiles*

Sorry y'all it's been forever and a day since I did a blog, but I just haven't been inspired by any topics. But anywho I'm pretty sure that from the title, you can see what today's post will be about. Now yes this entry will get a tidbit ratchet (esp since I'm listening to Sex Mix 3 by DJ Aris....it's a real good mix y'all I already planned my sex routine to it lbs okay let me stop...oh but I might even post the link I'm tellin y'all this is fye), but I will throw some (hopefully) thought provoking concepts into this blog as well so bear with me. Earlier today on Twitter, one of my followers did a mini Twitter rant about this one woman (I actually had to pause for an entire song cuz Take My Time came on...this one run that Chris Brown does near the end will have any female's vajajay runnin like the Mississippi River...omg back to my original thoughts)who wrote a blog post called "5 Tips for Celibate Living". Her stance on sex is through the lenses of Christianity, no pre-marital sex. She also is against going to the club, listening to sex music (which is thee very thing that I'm doing right now...Beg For It...come out of those thoughts....), and she's even borderline against flirting -___________- and I immediately believed that she has a dusty cooch that ain't been hit ever (which I doubt) or it's been a long time. And I hate to say this but, I think it's because she never had a sexual experience where her eyes rolled to the back of her head and began speaking in a whole different language and didn't know what it felt to have no control over her body. I was able to readily recognize such a woman because I live with one. She hasn't had sex almost as long as I've been alive...that's a major problem! Any female that I know that's always on the grouchy side all have the common denominator of not having either a regular sex life or no sex life at all.

Now, as you all know, I am a Christian and I want to become an ordained minister. But as a christian, I have challenged the bible in several areas. There are things that are in the bible that I do not believe. For example, I am against the scripture that says that women can't preach. I refuse to believe that that came from God. And I also don't think that God is against pre-marital sex...yeah I said it. There are some questions I do want to raise about sex though. Why is sex so important? In our culture, sex is a dangerous power. Sex can change a woman's life from rags to riches. It can be very enjoyable. It can be a deep connection between two people or a fun time. Sex dominates the hip hop culture, and sex has even defined a man and woman's place in society. The way the bible talks about sex for the most part is how terrible it is to do outside of marriage. I find it to be ironic how we live in a sex dominated culture and the bible tries to downplay the reality of sex because sex was definitely big in the biblical times just as it is now. And it really bothers me that in all the 66 books of the bible, there is only one book that is explicit about sex and sexual desires...and that is Song of Solomon (some bibles say Song of Songs). I find that to be very unrealistic in documenting the history of the biblical times. That is why I question it so.

Sex can be such a wonderful stress reliever. I kid you not...it has the power to heal some aches and pains of the body from being stressed out. Why do you think massages feel great? Physical contact on the body is relieving...so sex would definitely be included in such a category. Some of the meanest people I know are without sex. I am more against than for the concept of saving sex for marriage. I for quite some time felt this way, but through the idea out of the window. A piss poor sex life can destroy marriages, break up families, and leave people emotionally shattered. Who would want that? You can't be good at something unless you practice it and perfect the craft and sex, my friends, is definitely a craft.

But even in becoming sexually active, there's the challenge of finding someone who is sexually compatible with you. Good dick (and punani) is hard to come by. It really is! Some men hear beat it out the frame and don't know how to. It's very unfortunate. Some are well equipped in terms of length and width, but it's a waste. Testing the waters is hard, but it must be done (that was really ignorant smh)! I strongly believe that people should talk about sex more openly and freely...not in the sense of the actual freakiness but what each person expects from the sexual experience. That way it will help you weed the rotten ones out. There have been times where after I would go without it for a long time, the stress of my life would take over my body and leave me in a lot of pain. After having mind blowing, body rocking, standing on the fine line between this world and a whole 'notha lifetime, I am refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to face the rest of life. Hardly am I ever sad and whatnot, because I get what my body needs. Now I would go into the whole concept of sex buddies, but that honestly is a whole 'notha blog post. I just felt like from a point of christianity, we as Christians (yes I am including myself) are so holy that we forget to be practical. I believe that the bible doesn't have all of the answers, but that's because if we had all the answers to the questions that we ponder, we wouldn't be ready to handle the answer. It just frustrates me how unrealistic Christians can be in the name of Christianity. Learn to put 2 and 2 together. Question and challenge your belief system. I have found that in my questioning and challenging I've actually become closer to God. There's a reason as to why sex is such a dominating force throughout cultures and throughout time. Maybe it's because I have a young mind or I'm just not conservative. But I just think that sex isn't bad...I believe it's actually healthy. The world would be a better place if everyone had mind blowing sex. High blood pressure and other health issues tagged along with stress would decrease...I can bet money on that. Have safe sex!

Let The Church Say Amen!

Let The Church Say Amen! 

I realize that I haven’t blogged in quite some time. To be quite honest, life has kept me from doing so, but in this blog, my life experiences is what brings me to blog to you all today. These past few months have been nothing less of hell. But what really prompted me to write this....is...church folk. Church folk can be some of the meanest, rudest, shallowest, and most immature people that you may come across. Some can also be some of the most sweetest, kindest, warm, and loving people that you will find. However, I’m talking more so about the bad. I feel compelled to post this because I know that my struggle is very similar to others (if they are honest with themselves). I had a little birdie tell me in my ear that some people (people...more than one...that I don’t consider friends) found out about SOME of the stuff going on in my life and decided to be judgmental and gossip about it. Of course, they haven’t said anything to me, but that’s usually how things like that go. But there are just several things that I would like to blog about...thoughts that have been circulating in my head for some time, but it’s time for those ideas to be manifested in the physical.

God knows me. God knows that I am a strong individual, but in my strength, I am stubborn. God has taken this season in my life to literally break me down to my smallest matter and he reconstructed me over again. And I would not trade not one day of my experiences for this world. One prayer that I often prayed to God was that I desire to be closer to him. I remember growing up, the saints used to always say be careful what you pray for. And I wasn’t careful, but that’s fine fine FINE. One thing that I’ve learned in seeking God’s face is that God will reveal himself to you when you ask. Now, he goes about revealing himself in various ways. The way that revealed himself to me is through trials and tribulations. Some of which he intentionally directed my way and some of the trials and tribulations in which I have brought on myself. But either way, God revealed himself to me. This revelation came to me last month when I had to preach a sermon for a youth revival. It was the hardest (yet most powerful sermon in my opinion) that I have ever preached. It didn’t come from a world of church cliches. It didn’t come from what I heard other people say. It came strictly from my life. But I have learned that in seeking God, God places you in situations where he reveals his power to you. You can’t testify about God being a healer in your body if he never healed you. You can’t testify about God being a lawyer in a court room if you haven’t been placed in a situation for him to do so. You can’t have a testimony about God being Jehovah Jireh, bread when you’re hungry and water when you’re thirsty if you’ve never been in those predicaments.  You can’t testify about God being gracious and merciful if you have never been in those situations. So when you pray to God and honestly seek him, be prepared for the roller coaster ride. 

When I was really young (right before my I hit the pre-teen years), I had a conversation with God. I asked him to do one thing in my life, whenever there was something life changing that would happen to me or something that I would find difficult to overcome that he would give me a warning. And he has kept that promise to me to this day. I have known when close people die right before they leave this earth. I have known relationships and friendships to dissipate before they even ended. I have known disappointments to occur before they have even happened. It’s a gift that God has given me. I can honestly testify that God keeps promises and sticks by my side like no other. God whispered to me before my mother even told me that one of my favorite people in the whole wide world (my grandmother) died. He told me in a still voice when people that I valued very close to me at some point were going to turn their backs on me without even uttering a word of goodbye. But even in all of my “losses”, God always replenishes and runs my cup over. God has blessed me with people who dare to dream. Not only do they dream, not only do they speak about their dreams, but they make moves to making those dreams come true. Right now in my life, I have the BEST people that I could ever ask for and MORE. I’m not talking about the people that know of me. I’m talking about the people that I call friend, that’s a word that I don’t use lightly. They know who they are. 

Another thing God has taught me in this season of my life is that my test is my testimony. I have been abused both physically and emotionally, but I live up to my name each and everyday (Halona meaning HAPPY fortune). Looking at me, no one would ever know all that I have endured, much of which I have never EVER disclosed to anyone. People always wonder why my faith is so strong at the young and tender age of 22. There’s a lot of hell that I have had to endure to get to this point. God has had favor on my life ALL of my life. There have been moments where I have tried to walk away from that favor and be normal. God did not call me to be ordinary...he has and continuously deems me to be extraordinary. I have longed to live a normal life, but that is not the life that God has called for me to live. I have even befriended ordinary people and/or people that live below their destiny, but God did me the biggest favor and removed them out of my life. Even when I bump into those that have hurt and left me, I don’t even flip out and be bitter like I used to. I simply pray for them. Often times, the ones that have a lot to say about someone and their situation are the same ones that don’t offer to help you AT ALL. That type of mentality comes from the hell that I have endured. God has blessed me with a family (not biological, not talking about my adopted family), my church family, to be angels in my life. I have let those who were supposed to be my support system emotionally drain and sabotage me, but because of God’s mercy (holding back the consequences that I am supposed to suffer) and grace (bestowing blessings upon me that I DO NOT deserve) he has sustained me and used me in spite of my trifling self. Many of the biggest moments of my life have also have been the worst, simply because of those that have tried to tear me down each and every step of the way. But because I am a child of God, those weapons that were formed against me never prospered! 

I have even let church people turn me away from going to church for some months. But God told me that if he revealed all of their baggage to me, they have no right or reason to pass judgment or talk ill about me behind my back. While church people love to talk about my trials, don’t forget to end the story with my triumph (if they even know that since they seem to know so much). For some reason, I felt very compelled to write this. Somebody needed to read this. I have come to the conclusion that because of the lack of support and emotional stability that I needed, I stopped loving myself a long time ago. I can openly admit that. But I now understand the saying that God loves me better than I can love myself. I have had several friends call and discuss with me their issues, some of which I struggled with as well. So I told myself, if two people are struggling with this, others are struggling as well. If you don’t remember anything else, remember this: God will challenge you and your faith when you seek his face. Never edit your story or your test because it is your testimony. It is the story that explains why you stand victoriously. I can honestly say that God has impacted me so much that even my worship has changed. When I go to church, I can’t sit next to people that I will be chatty with during the whole service like I used to. I sit by myself so it can just be me and God. If anybody knows me, you know that I am not an emotional person. When I think about the goodness of God, I can’t help but to cry tears of joy and bellow out loud shouts of praise. That’s what God will do to you. God will shift your way of thinking, your way of living, your way of worshipping, and even shift your inner circle. Just when you feel like you are about to give up, remember that each day that God blesses you with to be able to see, it makes you one step closer to receiving your blessing. Don’t give up before God gives you your blessing. This is my way of giving you a somewhat update of my life and words of encouragement to keep on keeping on. Be encouraged!

(Sorry for the length y'all lol it's been a minute since I wrote anything, but thanks for reading it all *smiles*)

I'm Pretty Sure This Is Not Normal...

I have come to the beautifully sad conclusion that I'm past obsessed with Chris Brown. All I wanna do is meet him and tell him how much I love him and juke him at a party. And other things that should only stay in my head. No seriously, I would juke the mess out of him. I'm currently listening to some club type song he did with Akon called Take It Down Low so that's why I'm thinkin about jukin the mess out of Chris Brown. The funny part is don't be surprised if this actually happens. I made several dreams come true with Ludacris...I almost made my dream come true about me wantin to rap on stage with Luda, but instead I was rapping right in front of him with a mic...ugh close enough lol. Okay that's it...this was a pointless entry but an entry nonetheless. Ta ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

A Developing Interest...Christianity and Sexuality

I have come to the beautiful conclusion of a slightly evident, but developing interest of mine. One day, I just might seriously study it. This interest of mine is sexuality and religion (well more specifically Christianity first). Over the years, I have realized how oppressive christianity has become in regards to anybody that's not heterosexual. It often disturbs me. I have a lot of friends that are not straight and I love them to death. I had a conversation some time ago with one of my friends from college that is a Christian. We had a very deep discussion about one of our friends that we knew was gay, but basically waiting for them to admit to us (if that person decided to do so). Anyway, she was telling me how concerned she was because of him being gay, he won't be able to get into heaven. That statement has stayed with me for about a year now (shows how long ago that conversation was lol).

I have come to the understanding that sexuality is not a choice. Just like being black isn't a choice either. I grew up (and still attend, but that might change) in Trinity United Church of Christ, where we are "unashamedly black and apologetically Christian". I will admit I am glad I grew up there because it is important to know and understand as a black person how the world perceives you and defines you, but to also have the power to define one self. The Liberation theology (which is definitely practiced at my church) is a Christian movement in political theology which interprets the teachings of Jesus Christ in terms of a liberation from unjust economic, political, or social conditions and what better place to explore this than that Black Church. There used to be this misperception that you can't be black and a Christian because Christianity is a white man's religion, but this theology helps to re-affirm blackness. Being black and proud was and is still a struggle that needs to be overcome, but I dare to declare that there is a new struggle in the realm of Christianity, being Christian and being gay.


I am only 22 years old so life is just now beginning to unfold itself to me. One thing that I don't understand is how can people be condemned for being born gay? In all my life, I have never encountered God in a way to make me born a sinful way only to be condemned to hell. For instance, being black used to be considered bad. So does that mean I'm going to hell because my mom birthed me as a black child? Being a part of Jesus Christ's team shouldn't be oppressive, if anything you are supposed to find a new freedom in Christ. One thing that I intend to do (not sure when, but I will do it) is to seriously sit and research scriptures that condemn homosexuality and read the true meaning behind it. I often wonder what it would be like if the bible was re-created or updated today. Often times, people take the bible for literal and face value, but the word of God says, "Study to show thyself approved". What does it mean to study? According to dictionary.com to study means, "application of the mind to the acquisition of knowledge, by reading, investigation, or reflection" and that is exactly what I intend to do.


It seems to be very disturbing to me how God can use a prosperity pimp through tax collecting (Peter), a betrayer (Judas), someone who had speech problems (Moses), a WOMAN (Esther, that's for those that believe women can't preach. I refuse to believe that, especially since women were the first ones to be witnesses to Jesus' resurrection, but I digress), and various others in the bible to be vessels and carriers of his word. So, why wouldn't God use a homosexual?

Also, I want to know why is there so much emphasis about sexuality in the first place? Yes God created us as sexual beings. I mean think about it, there is an even a whole book of the bible that has sexual references (look it up for yourself), but for some reason, sexuality (depending on your association) can categorize your downfall as a human being and as a child of God. I really want to know why that is. But of course before that journey begins, I need to research sexuality as a whole. Now, I will admit I have read several times that there is a correlation between being raped (which of course is not a choice) and sexuality, which also sparks my curiosity, but what grabs my attention more is relationship between Christianity and sexuality. 


No one is perfect. But it has always been disturbing to me how some christians are quick to take up God's role of who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. If truth be told, the ones that are scared about homosexuality and the ones that are doing the condemnation are very well afraid to admit it to themselves that they are the same people...that's called self-hate but I digress. So yes, I hope to be able to a study on that one day. That vision has been in my head for a long time. I really believe that we allow the social constructs of this world to define us more than we need to. We are all guilty of it. I think freedom of the mind and spirit is the best freedom to be able to experience. My mission in life is to free the mind of ignorance, think for oneself, and not be ashamed of those thoughts. Well yep there you have it. That's my developing interest. I hope to possibly write a book about it. I don't know we'll see. Ta ta for now...TOODLES! XOXO


P.S. Maybe my next post will be about the validity of the bible...there are several things I question about it. This is why it is important to "study". 

Social Networking Causing Trouble Again

So, I had a chit chat with one of my friends the other day and she told me how one of her friendships ended over a tweet. All I could do was shake my head. I told her it's funny how she said that because I had a friendship end over a tweet that wasn't even about her. This really makes me wonder...how much power do we give to social networking? Social networking can be great. It's a good way to keep in contact with a lot of people all at one time, but for some reason, all good things have some bad to come along with it. Research studies show that websites like Facebook and Twitter have ended marriages. That's crazy! It's ridiculous to know that a facebook status can crush a relationship of years or a tweet can make friendship crumble. I sat and talked with my friend and shared my horror stories with social networking and all we could do was just simply shake our heads.

But then on the other side, it makes me wonder...maybe social networking destroying marriages, friendships, relationships, etc. might not be such a bad thing after all. If a relationship fails because of social networking websites, that just shows how weak the foundation is of that relationship. I realized that after a ridiculous fall out sometime last year (or 2 years ago...lol lost track of time). I thought it was one of those friendships that would last forever, but my shando showed me a dream some weeks before that, and well the social networking incident confirmed that. I promised myself from here on out that with significant others, I would never add them on my Facebook (if they're already on there, then maybe it's a different story...that's a bridge I'll cross when I get to it) and they can't follow me on Twitter. One ex flipped out on me because of a tweet and well clearly you see what happened...he's called an ex lol no hard feelings, I just said don't contact me anymore. But it really makes me wonder is social networking that damn powerful or are our friendships/relationships/marriages simply that weak? Let me know if you have any social networking horror stories. I'd love to read and possibly get a good chuckle from them. Ta ta for now...TOODLES!! XOXO

My World Crumbled!!!!! For All Of A Few Hours lol

WARNING!!!! THIS IS A RATCHET ENTRY!!! So please don't read it, if you don't know me like that...no seriously lol cuz you'll judge me

Okay so a lot of people (when they hear me talk about my shando) always make fun of me, but my shando is ALWAYS right lol hasn't failed me yet. (Excuse me...Ringtone by R Kelly just came on...I'm actually about to juke this chair while I'm in the library lol...anywho continuing with this story). So, I hit up my guy about some green, like I always do, and normally he responds with a quickness cuz I usually get sawbucks from him...regularly. I hit him up...and he didn't quite respond. Now I never call a person unless it's important and after 20 minutes, it became urgent so I decided to call him. He never answered. I text my friend who gets stuff from him as well and she was just as shocked (it's serious lol). So I hit up my old guy...he's pretty whack so I don't hit him up as normal. THIS NIGGA DIDN'T RESPOND TO ME EITHER. Lowkey I was afraid my phone got cut off or something, but of course it wasn't. So me and my friend discussed the possibilities of why he didn't pick up the phone, and I told her my shando feels something turrible has happened. I told her to hit up his friend to see what happened and he hit her back saying he got locked up because of gun charges. Do you know how sad I became??? lol well I was gone so I was in a mixture of laughter and two seconds later sadness...but then right back to laughter. My friend on the other hand (omg she had me crackin up) was acting like the world had ended. She was like, "I'm confused...what are we going to do now???" lmao omg I told her yep we're addicted it's official. But I was so concerned. I even had a convo with her saying I appreciated his business so much, that Hallmark needs to have a card for people like him. He always had me lol any time of the day and he was just great. Smh...but just like my title of this blog says, it only lasted for a few hours. Because of blessed and glory, I was able to get a new guy, with more potent stuff. I took 3 hits and was gone. It really took me 3 days to finish off one blunt. Boy am I a satisfied consumer. I hit him up today and he got some even better stuff for me. Yeaaah buddy! So I learned two things out of this...weeping only endures for a few hours, but joy can be found in a blunt lol okay that was turrible and the second thing I learned was...dang I seriously forgot. Oh well...lol one of my friends said I should blog about this so I did. It's really sad that me and my friend's world was destroyed for a little while, like that's terrible rotflmao I'm laughing at it now, but this was heartbreaking before. Okay I'm done lol ta ta for now! XOXO

Girls Who Run The World (Reaction Video) - HILARIOUS!

Came across this YouTube video because someone posted it on Facebook and I watched it and had to bite my lip from loud laughter because I was in the library. It's a critique about Beyonce's new song Girls Who Run The World. Cracked...me...UP!!!!! Enjoy!!!

THROWBACK!!!!! King of R&B!!!!!

So, if anybody has listened to my ipod, you know it's heavy with sex music (well not like it used to be since I had to get a replacement ipod but that's a whole different story). And I was listening to some of that music yesterday and was going soooo in. My favorite male R&B singer for sex songs is none other than R. Kelly!! Like *whew* he takes my mind to places that don't exist on this earth!!!!! Honestly...I hate to say this, but it's the truth....Chris Brown's sex songs ain't got nothin' on R. Kelly...like generations can be born off of his sex music...baby booms around the world!!! It's the afternoon hours and I'm sitting here listening to sex songs smh absolutely ratchet and out of order, but I just wanna offer some of my fav sex songs by R. Kelly...just a few because I have waaaaay too many lbvs. He will always be the King of R&B to me. People slept on his previous album, "Untitled"...WAKE UP!!! Because if you love classic Kels, you'll like that album. He needs a TP-4...like seriously...okay let me come out of my thoughts...ENJOY!!!

Okay I put more than I thought I would lol it was hard for me to consolidate it to just these few songs because I can honestly keep going for days. I just love music that does something to my mind, whether it's sex songs or REAL hip hop lol (btw if me and R. Kelly were the same age, he could get it! Although...he prolly still prefers high school girls so I guess I'm eliminated either way lol)

Love...Or Is It?

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my friends lately. My friend Sabian often calls me when he needs to bounce ideas off of someone and this was no surprise. He is entering a contest with the New York Times to write an article about what is modern day love. One reason why I enjoy talking to him is because he always offers a perspective that opens my eyes to a whole new world that is right in front of me. (Sidenote: This is why I love the gays!!) He started off our discussion asking have I ever felt like I had a hidden love. And I told him I did. One time when I was in grammar school, there was this boy that I eventually grew to like and vice versa because we sat near each other in several of our classes. We would joke and chat a lot and just enjoy each other's company. I always looked forward to seeing him everyday in school. However, when he got around the more popular girls, he would often overlook me because I was the nerd and well you know popular girls trump nerdy girls in the teenage world. However, when we would have our moments together (like being in the closet room, walking down the hall just me and him, etc.), those were the moments that often drew us together and our feelings developed. But then the hurt would come back when I was ignored by him in the public eye.

After I told Sabian my story, that struck a nerve and gave him some ideas. Now, I won't go into the ideas, but it made me realize how hard it must be to be gay, especially on a college campus (more specifically HBCUs). It is normal to see a man and a woman holding hands as they walk down the street, but often times, some gay couples aren't awarded this simple but emotional opportunity. It is not the same for gay people to show their ways of affection publicly as it is for a straight couple to do so. That makes me wonder...is it love then? Is it love when you are forced to hide it from the world, but behind closed doors, actions of love can erupt? Our conversation just really made me wonder what exactly is love. I'm just 22 years old...never really been in love (with the exception of Ludacris and Chris Brown), but I am pretty sure that love should be broadcasted. But what if it can't be broadcasted? Then, is it love? Is it love when a man and a man or a woman and a woman say that it's love? Or does our society uphold a certain standard of what love is and even if so, does the society's standard of love actually declare that it's love? Not tryna get all sappy, but I just thought that a small recap of my conversation with Sabian might light a spark with others. I feel like love shouldn't be hidden, but my heart goes out to those that feel like their "love" isn't validated enough to be shared both publicly and privately without be ridiculed or looked down upon. It often hurts my heart. Well, that's it for this entry. I just thought I'd throw that out there into the atmosphere. Leave your questions, comments, concerts, all that good jazz! Ta Ta for now! Toodles! XOXO

Sharing my ghetto addiction: Hood Chi-Town YouTube Videos

So...I decided that I will do a post where I let you all in on a secret obsession that I have. Often (like several times a week, for about an hour), I sit glued to YouTube watching videos from Wala Cam. This started when I first went away to Howard University and I was trying to explain the culture of Chicago...bobbing, footworking, hip-rolling, and ticking. Over time, I have become a highkey fan of several of Chicago's hood dancers: Lanipop (and her partner Mariah...oh and I guess the "Chicago Twerk Team), Fee-Fee, Mariaha, and Mercedes just to name a few. I used to do a lot of this type dancing when I was younger, on the block battling and whatnot. If I kept up with it, I would be like them...but well I didn't so I live vicariously through them lol. But this is the style of dancing that can be found only in the hood lol I'm sorry but Chicagoans are the best dancers. Go to a party and juke with a Chicago girl and I guarantee you will get a hard on. Go to a party and dance with a guy from the Chi and I bet you will think they are the best thing since sliced bread. Very random: I want to get Chris Brown at a party and juke the SHAT out of him lol and I guarantee you that will happen. But anywho....enjoy!

Okay I got lazy tryna find some more I like off the top of my head, but that should be sufficient lol wait let me add one that has footworking. (You gotta click on the link cuz when I tried to do it the same way I did the other videos, it didn't come up. Sorry for the inconvenience lol)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYF48dX27XI&feature=channel_video_title

Will You Marry Me?

Some day ago, I was on the phone talking to a guy (I wont disclose who just in case they ever read this lol), and he was talking about how much he loves me and whatnot and mentioned something about if I could see myself married to him. *PUMPS BREAKS* Stop...rewind. Excusez-moi??? For some reason, this is NOT the first time that I have been approached with the topic of marriage and the guy was dead serious about it. Why is that? Now, as a Sagittarius, we don't like to be tied down. Not saying that I wouldnt like to be married eventually but I am 22 years old and walking down an aisle and seeing a reverend at the altar is far from my thoughts at this point in my life  I am honestly wondering if I am the only female that this happens to.

I am sure a lot of females would love for a guy to talk to them about marriage. HA! Not I (unless it is Ludacris or Chris Brown because if one of them asked me to marry them, I would do it in a heart beat...idc judge me if you want to, but I would be so ON!!!)!! Well let me clarify...not at the moment. Several guys have even told me that they would want me to have their kids....I'm not sure if I'm still on planet Earth because some of the things that I hear...smh. But then, that makes me wonder, what do people think marriage is nowadays? I was talking to one of my friends and he said that this older man wanted his good done debbies and the man was married. I told him well I guess he's off limits to you then. He said that he didn't care. I often wonder if marriage isn't held as high on pedestal as it used to be because a lot of marriages fail. I can admit that as a product of a single family household, marriage isn't the golden prize for me. I wonder if maybe I grew up in a two parent household with a successful marriage would my views on marriage change. I think so. I don't disregard marriage, I'm just not as pressed to be Mrs Somebody (Ooo hopefully Bridges or Brown...dang...I sure got thing for both C.B.s don't I?)

I want to have a good sit down conversation with the different guys that have mentioned marriage to me. I wonder if they understand the weight that comes with being married. Not to discourage them, but to get them off of the fantasy island that some of them live on. Also, I know that some of those guys are kind of lonely, but that's another topic for some other time (or maybe not lol). But newho I just wanted to put that out there because I have been getting that lately, saying that I'm the wifey type and whatnot and actually mentioning marriage to me on several occasions. I don't know what scares me more...being pregnant or being married at this early age lol. Anywho, leave your comments, questions, and concerns (idk why I say this all the time cuz I only received comments TWICE u stankin niglets!!! lol jk jk). Ta Ta for now...TOODLES!!! XOXO

What's Love Got To Do With It

So me and good ole friend Ashlee (check out her blog http://crackcakes.blogspot.com/ if you need a hearty laugh, she's got the medicine!) were texting some minutes ago about the lack of love in our generation. We talked about how love is sought after in all the wrong places and the place where love should be received it isn't given anymore. It angers and saddens me when people talk down about us, but don't do much to help us. I am a firm believer that love conquers all. I'm not just saying that because it's a cliche and sounds good...it is something that I have experienced.

I remember I was talking to this boy a long time ago. We started off simply as friends and then an attraction developed between us that blossomed into a relationship. Now before we started going together, he told me all about his life story. He was born in Romania (yes I went with a white guy...but he looked and sounded hispanic but newho). When he was born, he was thrown in a trash can. His first heartache was when he was young, him and his friend were playing on a bridge and he accidentally knocked him off and he died. He moved to Chicago, was put in the foster care system, and he had horror stories for days about that. Then, he eventually joined a gang and needless to say, he killed people. He even told me how he just walked up to someone, killed them, and continued about his day like it was nothing. There are more stories he told, but that's irrelevant. I'm sure you get the point. Well because of my relationship with God at the time, he used to question me about why I'm a Christian and all kinds of things. We eventually broke up (nothing bitter we were just going in two different directions) and didn't contact each other as much. However, one time when he did contact me, the first thing he told me was that he gave his life to Christ and he was inspired by my relationship that he decided to develop his own. All I could do was praise God. Because I operated out of love, he was able to find a love that's greater than any love in the world. Love is an emotion that we can transcend to at least one person. It is not impossible to do at all. I can't wait for the day that this world operates out of the freedom of love instead of the oppression of judgement and fear. And I say fear for a very valid reason.

One reason why I feel like we don't operate in love towards the youth is simply because we are afraid of the youth. I went to a conference last year with some students from my school that was with preachers of the black church and one of the themes (or it might have been the central theme...can't quite remember) was violence. One of my friends did a presentation on violence (which was excellent) and the adults in the room asked all these questions about youth and if you ask me I think that they forgot that some of the age group were sitting in the room, such as myself. I mean they had a big long table discussion about violence and youth and all these other issues surrounding it but didn't ask not a single one of us! Needless to say that angered me and I voiced my opinion (in a respectable manner of course), but that just reiterates that people really are afraid to love these youth. Instead of talking about the youth and collaborating to make these grand conferences about them, include them in the youth. Talk to the youth and see what exactly it is that they need from us. I sometimes fear the future of our generation, but that's not the spirit in which God has given us. I have enough faith that my generation and generations to come will surprise this world (in a good way) and surpass the limited expectations placed on us. When will learn to love again? When will we learn to love like Jesus and God loves us? The time is past due...we must operate out of love now. Well that's my spill on that...very lengthy as you can see, but that has been on my heart for quite some time and I'm just now putting my thoughts into cyberspace lol but newho ta ta for now! Toodles! XOXO

F.A.M.E. and Misfortune

I'm sure you all know this already, but for those that live under a rock (and that's fine because I dwell there from time to time), Chris Brown's much anticipated album, F.A.M.E. is on sale TODAY!! It is already number one on iTunes and it was released earlier in other parts of the world and is reigning as the number one album as well. I will admit, as much of a fan I am of Breezy (that's my baby daddy y'all lol), I downloaded that album as soon as it leaked! I just couldn't wait to hear his new music!! One thing I really love about his album (and just in general) is the variety of sound that he offers to his listeners. He continuously evolves and it is well with my soul! Some of the songs that I liked off the bat just from the sound include She Ain't You, Say It With Me, Up 2 You, Wet The Bed (with my husband Ludacris!! Omg I fell in love with him all over again....he f*** me in the eardrums I tell ya!!!), Bomb, Rock Paper Scissors, and Beg For It. Lol okay that's most of the album, but I will admit the sound immediately sucked me in. One song that I fell in love with lyrically is Next 2 You featuring the Bieber boy. If you just listen to the lyrics, I'm sure you will understand why I love it! But yeah, I really enjoy this album. For those that aren't die hard C. Breezy fans like myself, some might be shocked that he does a lil rapping here and there. But that just shows that he hasn't limited himself both as an artist and as a man and that is very admirable if you ask me. So yeah...cop it!!!!!

Now...for the "misfortune" part of my blog post. I'm not sure if you are aware, but Chris Brown has gotten into some trouble on today. Long story short, he was on GMA (Good Morning America) and performed. He was also interviewed by Robin Roberts. She asked him about the Rihanna incident and Breezy lost it y'all! Went backstage, threw a chair, broke the window, stormed out and whatnot. Now...here is my 2 cents and I'm gon leave it alone (for the moment lol). I must admit that I think both parties were wrong in this. Robin Roberts was wrong (yeah I said it WRONG) for asking Chris Brown about this incident. Ma'am, what does that have to do with the release of his brand new bomb.com album?? NOT A DAMN THING!! Oh but baby daddy...I must admit that that reaction was wrong as well. Not him bustin windows like Ms. Sullivan be singin about though. He really does need to get his anger under control because it will hurt him more than it will help him in the long run. I do sincerely wish that people would let the past be just that...the past! Chris Brown has cried enough and said apologies, and done the required actions of him to prove his redemption. If people aren't sold that he has learned something from it, then that's their burden. Not tryna get churchy, but I'm gon have to go there...I'm so glad God doesn't treat us how we treat each other. It is hard for anybody (not just Chris Brown) to move on and be all that God has called him/her to be when people continuously resurrect the past to hurt and hinder us. But that's the job of a hater...to hate! Haters should be our motivators and not our hinderers. And Chris Brown really needs to get a better team. They are piss poor at their job smh that PR he has is trash!! I will be more than happy to be on his team (*smiles*). And Chris Brown still needs to work on that anger issue...but we are all a work in progress. It's just unfortunate that the skeletons in his closet are broadcasted all around the world. Let's be honest...if someone was to open our closets and put us on blast, we wouldn't want people looking down on us. But it's all a part of growth and development into being the best people that we can be! I love Chris Brown and his music. It's unfortunate his personal isn't personal. The price of F.A.M.E. smh newho that's it. Those are my thoughts on that issue. If you don't remember anything from this blog post remember this GO GET F.A.M.E. and try putting yourself in somebody's else's shoes before passing judgement that you really don't have much authority about passing judgement on. Toodles!!

Blessed, Glory, and other thangs

Okay so this is a very random blog post, but I feel like this topic should be addressed. This has been brought to my attention several times within the week alone and I feel like I really should just put this out there. I don't understand what the deal is about big breast and big butts...I just don't (wow this dog is snoring extremely loudly...she's gonna make me lose my train of thought smh)

So I was out and about the other day and this guy just saw fit to come on over to me express how he felt at that moment in time. He boldly and loudly proclaimed that I had big breasts and was thick and he wanted to suck the juices out of them. Now, I guess there are some women who love that kind of direct approach, however when guys say that to me, it's actually a bit embarrassing to me. And depending on how it is said and what the person looks like, I might just really get ignorant. This type of thing happens to me often unfortunately. Often times, I wear a hoodie because it is very comfortable and it is a small attempt to shield "blessed and glory" from the rest of the world...epic fail.

I was watching my Chappelle Show dvds (man I love that ignorant show lol) and I was watching the sketch when some white woman wished that her boobs weren't so big. Dave Chappelle played a janitor character who was able to take her through different moments of her life to show her what it would be like if her boobs weren't booming in size like they were. In the end, the woman appreciated her tits and lived a happily ever after type life. Let me be real with you...I don't understand the deal with big breasts. For one, I can't sit a certain way sometimes because my breasts will suffocate me. I remember one day I was doing my Wii Fit and did some yoga position and my breasts almost killed me...no really they almost did I never fought that hard for air in my life. Then some clothing I can't wear because my breasts are always a burden and they're so militant acting...like they refuse to stay in certain clothing. I can't even shop at normal stores for bras. I have to make trips to Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart and when I walk in, I feel like the people are looking at me like why is this skank shopping in this store...what do we have to offer her?

Now, some of my friends have been telling me my behind is getting bigger. I have some clues as to why (and no I won't disclose them in this blog I'm not about to put everything out there for the world to be all up in my business, but if you really want to know lol I can help you out), but that makes me feel uncomfortable as well. I guess it's because often times I don't like the type of attention it brings me (actually as I type, my breasts are kind of being a burden, but well I'm used to it). Like honestly the thoughts that go through in a nigga's mind come right out of their mouths...there's no mystery to it at all whatsoever and most of the time, I wish I could stuff the words right back down their throats.

Now I don't want you all thinking that I don't appreciate my body...I really do. I have some pleasant memories with having water jugs and whatnot. Sometimes, I am able to get into clubs and venues for free or discounted. For instance, when I went to see Ludacris at a club in DC, the guy at the door tried to charge me for $40, but with my reasoning and my breasts spilling out, I was able to get myself and my friends in for $10 (sidenote: I learned that my baby Ludacris really does love DD breasts...when I saw him again when he was in Chicago, I was trying to tell him how much I loved him and whatnot and I caught him staring at my breasts...now he can do that because that's my husband but I digress). My assets have gotten me out of several sticky situtations and because I am blessed with them, I have used them to be a blessing to others and got them out of sticky situations as well. The thing that gets me is some people really go all out the way to get what us black women have. White women want big breasts, big butts, and big lips just like what we naturally have. I just think that the people that desire these assets should understand that it's not always as glamorous as people may think. For instance, I will admit I have huge lips. When I was standing in line of the club last week, some dude asked me could I use my lips to service him (I almost had to chop off his mandingo and slap him 7 times with it). See those type of comments I can really live without. No but really...I can.

So what was the point of all of that? Glad you asked. Besides the point of I'm wide awake and have nothing better to do, I wanted all to understand that all that glitters ain't gold. Whether you have big tits, small tits, big booty judies or flat patooties, water cooler lips or small and pursed lips, you are beautiful just the way you are. Embrace what makes you you and love yourself each and every day!

A Typical Halona Moment smh

Hey y'all I know it's been a good minute since I added a post (sorry guys) but here's a new one so get excited!!!!



So some of y'all that know me know that I have the worst of luck and embarrassing moments always trail me. For those that don't know, here's a peak into an everyday life of Anolah smh. So me and my friend was finally gonna go to the club (me and her be gettin it in!!!! And it had been a good minute since we went so we was AMPED!!!) and it started to rain so while I was driving, my left windshield wiper started actin goofy. Like it started to come off a little bit. Now when this happened I was on the eway so I was like oh no I gotta get off and fix it. So I got off and pulled over on the street. Remember I said I was goin to the club...and I was dressed like such. So I got out tryna fix the stupid windshield wiper and boy was I struggling....I was in heels and a short dress and every time ppl drove by, they were just a honkin (not to mention the bus almost hit me). My friend was in the car laughing at me. After about 5 mins of embarrassment, I finally fixed it...or so I thought.
Before we continued our quest to the club, we stopped at McDonalds to grab something to eat. After I placed my order and paid for the food, I started to drive to go to the next window to get my food. Guess what happened next? My stupid windshield wiper flew OFF!!! Like took off like an airplane on the runway!!! When I got out the car, just my luck it got stuck in a weird spot. Let me set the scene, it's raining, I'm in a short dress with heels, and my windshield wiper flew off into a strange small spot...needless to say I struggled getting the windshield wiper and saw the ppl in the car behind me rolling. There's my embarrassing typical Halona moment smh absolutely turrible. Then I had to drive with a gangsta lean cuz I had to depend on the right windshield wiper to wipe as much as the window as possible so I had to lean to the right so I could see. Driving down the street with one operating windshield wiper is the L...luckily I can laugh at that now lol.

AnolahBlackFox Video Post: Season 3 The Game

AnolahBlackFox Video Post: HBCUs

AnolahBlackFox First Video Post: Hip Hop (an extension of previous blog post)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d-TmA8vw5w

My Dilemna With Music

So...I have been feeling this way for quite some time about music now and this is the first time I put my thoughts out in the atmosphere. First and foremost let me say that I love me some music! Anybody that knows me knows that I love my ipod with a passion and I never leave home without it. Even as I'm blogging I'm listening to music (playing R. Kelly's album Untitled...ppl sleepin on it lol Pregnant is my ish!!!!). Now my thoughts about music are only geared towards the genres of music that I listen to (hip hop, R&B, rap, and gospel) so bare that in mind as you read this entry.

For a while now, I can honestly say that I have progressively become bored with music. Yes...bored. By bored I mean that I haven't heard any new music. Granted we have new up and coming artists like Nicki Minaj and Drake just to name a few, but they don't even do much for me. For example, in the rap game, the topics that are mostly rapped about are guns, sex, violence, and rappers being egotistical about how they're the greatest. Some rappers (emphasis on some) even have a creative lyrical flow about how they deliver their message that captivates their audience. But frankly I'm tired of hearing the same stuff essentially over and over again after a while. Even with gospel music, I feel like at times it's just watered down religion. It doesn't captivate me anymore. I'm better off just reading deep theological mind stimulating books and calling it a day.

I never told anyone this, but I had a very vivid dream about this issue. Now, I joke around with my friends saying that I'm going to be a rapper, but I had a dream where I released my first mixtape entitled What You Want vs What You Need. The "What You Want" part of the mixtape is the stereotypical mainstream hip hop music you hear all the time: catchy beat, catchy hook, same lyrical content. The What You Need part of the mixtape has real substance in terms of its message (can't tell you what the lyrical content is at this point...it was just a dream lol). What makes this whole thing kinda strange is I actually wrote a rap song and performed it before (it was for my church's youth revival). Many people were actually shocked that I was able to do it and several people even said I should seriously consider rapping. I just shrugged it off, but now this makes me wonder. I mean honestly not everybody can relate to killing someone and being behind bars. I know I can't. But the dream made me think should I create the music that I want to listen to? And since I'll have a message to pass it on to others? Makes me go hmm...

OR could this just mean that I haven't found an artist to listen to that will give me what I want. I'm tired of mainstream music...it honestly bores me. To my followers, do you have artists to suggest to me within the genres that I listed that aren't doing the same ole same ole and have music with real substance? Shoot...I honestly might start making my own music one day...remember this post if I really do it...it all started with a dream lol. Anywho leave your comments. Help me out on some new artists to listen to or just let me know how you feel about music today. Ta Ta for now...toodles!!! XOXO

Whip My Hair - Why Must It Define Me

"I Whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth (whip it real good)!!! That is my jam!!! Usually at the end of the song, I need a neck massage. That song goes hard...literally...I don' damn near broke my neck, but I digress. Anywho, as many know, one of the biggest businesses in this country is the hair industry. (Pause: Ignition just came on Pandora...gotta go in for a few seconds...this is STILL my jam!!Too bad R Kelly ain't interested in me...I'm 22 and too old for him smh). My bad...newayz black women sure know that our hair is our crown. From the bogus lace fronts (where we can see the stupid lacefront) to the couple thousand sew-ins, black women make th industry boom. Now, as many of you all know, I go to Howard University. Several people that I know have asked me how come I haven't gone natural. I enjoy my creamy crack and apparently to a lot of people I have some washed up mentality since I love how my roots get straightened.

Not many people know this, but I was natural more than half of my life. I do not miss when my mama used to wash my hair and then she would have to comb my nappy hair and I felt like I was really goin thru. I do not miss when my mother would blow dry my hair and I felt like I was experiencing death because I would have a headache out of this world. I do not miss my mama using that good ole stove, put that hot comb on it, and come back and burn the back of my head while I'm sittin there screamin and my mama pop me in the back of the head to tell me to shut up (sing Stevie!!!! Ribbon in the sky just came on!!!!).

I have my hair cut and relaxed hair is good for me. Apparently I'm not black enough since I haven't returned back to my nappy roots. Why? Because I don't have locks or my hair standing up in a fro, I'm subjected to the white man right? Please, I'm darker than most...I couldn't lie about being black if I wanted to! Why must my hair define me? When I originaly cut my hair, people were shocked because it was a little past my back. When I started (Sexual Healing needs not to play right now..."Baby I'm hot just like an oven I need some lovin'!!" Man I want some sexual healing...maybe after this blog post...) to slowly cut my hair, people were really upset with me. I just don't understand why my hair is such a big deal. For the most part, people that transition back to being natural experience some amazing mind freeing transformation. Well I like to argue that with my permed hair, when I get different haircuts, I experience transformations as well. When my hair is getting cut, in my mind, I cut off things that restrict me. I become more free and more bold. Life has new doors for me to go through. I do what I want and am carefree about what others think. (Freak'n Me just came on...I simply cannot deal with Ms. Pandora right now...). I just get tired of people telling me I need to let the chemicals go...NO!!! It has helped me deal with the tangles of my hair and made my life a little easier...although I do one day want to lock up, but of course that idea gets pushed back when that part is made in my scalp and my roots feel that creamy substance. Anyway, I'm just tired of people trying to define me by the texture and length of my hair. I do not need my hair to be kinky to define me being black and hair isn't just beautiful when it's long and flowy (whether it's through genes or the length was bought). Hair is beautiful period because it is yours. Long hair, short hair, kinky hair, relaxed hair...it's all good in the hood with me!! Why must so much emphasis be put on a black woman's head to define her? Do black men experience the same pressures in terms of how they where their hair? I don't know. Leave your comments and let me know. I say however you wear your hair, wear it proudly and WHIP IT HONEY!!!! Xoxo...until next time...ta ta for now...TOODLES!!