Love...Or Is It?

I had a very interesting conversation with one of my friends lately. My friend Sabian often calls me when he needs to bounce ideas off of someone and this was no surprise. He is entering a contest with the New York Times to write an article about what is modern day love. One reason why I enjoy talking to him is because he always offers a perspective that opens my eyes to a whole new world that is right in front of me. (Sidenote: This is why I love the gays!!) He started off our discussion asking have I ever felt like I had a hidden love. And I told him I did. One time when I was in grammar school, there was this boy that I eventually grew to like and vice versa because we sat near each other in several of our classes. We would joke and chat a lot and just enjoy each other's company. I always looked forward to seeing him everyday in school. However, when he got around the more popular girls, he would often overlook me because I was the nerd and well you know popular girls trump nerdy girls in the teenage world. However, when we would have our moments together (like being in the closet room, walking down the hall just me and him, etc.), those were the moments that often drew us together and our feelings developed. But then the hurt would come back when I was ignored by him in the public eye.

After I told Sabian my story, that struck a nerve and gave him some ideas. Now, I won't go into the ideas, but it made me realize how hard it must be to be gay, especially on a college campus (more specifically HBCUs). It is normal to see a man and a woman holding hands as they walk down the street, but often times, some gay couples aren't awarded this simple but emotional opportunity. It is not the same for gay people to show their ways of affection publicly as it is for a straight couple to do so. That makes me wonder...is it love then? Is it love when you are forced to hide it from the world, but behind closed doors, actions of love can erupt? Our conversation just really made me wonder what exactly is love. I'm just 22 years old...never really been in love (with the exception of Ludacris and Chris Brown), but I am pretty sure that love should be broadcasted. But what if it can't be broadcasted? Then, is it love? Is it love when a man and a man or a woman and a woman say that it's love? Or does our society uphold a certain standard of what love is and even if so, does the society's standard of love actually declare that it's love? Not tryna get all sappy, but I just thought that a small recap of my conversation with Sabian might light a spark with others. I feel like love shouldn't be hidden, but my heart goes out to those that feel like their "love" isn't validated enough to be shared both publicly and privately without be ridiculed or looked down upon. It often hurts my heart. Well, that's it for this entry. I just thought I'd throw that out there into the atmosphere. Leave your questions, comments, concerts, all that good jazz! Ta Ta for now! Toodles! XOXO

Sharing my ghetto addiction: Hood Chi-Town YouTube Videos

So...I decided that I will do a post where I let you all in on a secret obsession that I have. Often (like several times a week, for about an hour), I sit glued to YouTube watching videos from Wala Cam. This started when I first went away to Howard University and I was trying to explain the culture of Chicago...bobbing, footworking, hip-rolling, and ticking. Over time, I have become a highkey fan of several of Chicago's hood dancers: Lanipop (and her partner Mariah...oh and I guess the "Chicago Twerk Team), Fee-Fee, Mariaha, and Mercedes just to name a few. I used to do a lot of this type dancing when I was younger, on the block battling and whatnot. If I kept up with it, I would be like them...but well I didn't so I live vicariously through them lol. But this is the style of dancing that can be found only in the hood lol I'm sorry but Chicagoans are the best dancers. Go to a party and juke with a Chicago girl and I guarantee you will get a hard on. Go to a party and dance with a guy from the Chi and I bet you will think they are the best thing since sliced bread. Very random: I want to get Chris Brown at a party and juke the SHAT out of him lol and I guarantee you that will happen. But anywho....enjoy!

Okay I got lazy tryna find some more I like off the top of my head, but that should be sufficient lol wait let me add one that has footworking. (You gotta click on the link cuz when I tried to do it the same way I did the other videos, it didn't come up. Sorry for the inconvenience lol)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYF48dX27XI&feature=channel_video_title

Will You Marry Me?

Some day ago, I was on the phone talking to a guy (I wont disclose who just in case they ever read this lol), and he was talking about how much he loves me and whatnot and mentioned something about if I could see myself married to him. *PUMPS BREAKS* Stop...rewind. Excusez-moi??? For some reason, this is NOT the first time that I have been approached with the topic of marriage and the guy was dead serious about it. Why is that? Now, as a Sagittarius, we don't like to be tied down. Not saying that I wouldnt like to be married eventually but I am 22 years old and walking down an aisle and seeing a reverend at the altar is far from my thoughts at this point in my life  I am honestly wondering if I am the only female that this happens to.

I am sure a lot of females would love for a guy to talk to them about marriage. HA! Not I (unless it is Ludacris or Chris Brown because if one of them asked me to marry them, I would do it in a heart beat...idc judge me if you want to, but I would be so ON!!!)!! Well let me clarify...not at the moment. Several guys have even told me that they would want me to have their kids....I'm not sure if I'm still on planet Earth because some of the things that I hear...smh. But then, that makes me wonder, what do people think marriage is nowadays? I was talking to one of my friends and he said that this older man wanted his good done debbies and the man was married. I told him well I guess he's off limits to you then. He said that he didn't care. I often wonder if marriage isn't held as high on pedestal as it used to be because a lot of marriages fail. I can admit that as a product of a single family household, marriage isn't the golden prize for me. I wonder if maybe I grew up in a two parent household with a successful marriage would my views on marriage change. I think so. I don't disregard marriage, I'm just not as pressed to be Mrs Somebody (Ooo hopefully Bridges or Brown...dang...I sure got thing for both C.B.s don't I?)

I want to have a good sit down conversation with the different guys that have mentioned marriage to me. I wonder if they understand the weight that comes with being married. Not to discourage them, but to get them off of the fantasy island that some of them live on. Also, I know that some of those guys are kind of lonely, but that's another topic for some other time (or maybe not lol). But newho I just wanted to put that out there because I have been getting that lately, saying that I'm the wifey type and whatnot and actually mentioning marriage to me on several occasions. I don't know what scares me more...being pregnant or being married at this early age lol. Anywho, leave your comments, questions, and concerns (idk why I say this all the time cuz I only received comments TWICE u stankin niglets!!! lol jk jk). Ta Ta for now...TOODLES!!! XOXO

What's Love Got To Do With It

So me and good ole friend Ashlee (check out her blog http://crackcakes.blogspot.com/ if you need a hearty laugh, she's got the medicine!) were texting some minutes ago about the lack of love in our generation. We talked about how love is sought after in all the wrong places and the place where love should be received it isn't given anymore. It angers and saddens me when people talk down about us, but don't do much to help us. I am a firm believer that love conquers all. I'm not just saying that because it's a cliche and sounds good...it is something that I have experienced.

I remember I was talking to this boy a long time ago. We started off simply as friends and then an attraction developed between us that blossomed into a relationship. Now before we started going together, he told me all about his life story. He was born in Romania (yes I went with a white guy...but he looked and sounded hispanic but newho). When he was born, he was thrown in a trash can. His first heartache was when he was young, him and his friend were playing on a bridge and he accidentally knocked him off and he died. He moved to Chicago, was put in the foster care system, and he had horror stories for days about that. Then, he eventually joined a gang and needless to say, he killed people. He even told me how he just walked up to someone, killed them, and continued about his day like it was nothing. There are more stories he told, but that's irrelevant. I'm sure you get the point. Well because of my relationship with God at the time, he used to question me about why I'm a Christian and all kinds of things. We eventually broke up (nothing bitter we were just going in two different directions) and didn't contact each other as much. However, one time when he did contact me, the first thing he told me was that he gave his life to Christ and he was inspired by my relationship that he decided to develop his own. All I could do was praise God. Because I operated out of love, he was able to find a love that's greater than any love in the world. Love is an emotion that we can transcend to at least one person. It is not impossible to do at all. I can't wait for the day that this world operates out of the freedom of love instead of the oppression of judgement and fear. And I say fear for a very valid reason.

One reason why I feel like we don't operate in love towards the youth is simply because we are afraid of the youth. I went to a conference last year with some students from my school that was with preachers of the black church and one of the themes (or it might have been the central theme...can't quite remember) was violence. One of my friends did a presentation on violence (which was excellent) and the adults in the room asked all these questions about youth and if you ask me I think that they forgot that some of the age group were sitting in the room, such as myself. I mean they had a big long table discussion about violence and youth and all these other issues surrounding it but didn't ask not a single one of us! Needless to say that angered me and I voiced my opinion (in a respectable manner of course), but that just reiterates that people really are afraid to love these youth. Instead of talking about the youth and collaborating to make these grand conferences about them, include them in the youth. Talk to the youth and see what exactly it is that they need from us. I sometimes fear the future of our generation, but that's not the spirit in which God has given us. I have enough faith that my generation and generations to come will surprise this world (in a good way) and surpass the limited expectations placed on us. When will learn to love again? When will we learn to love like Jesus and God loves us? The time is past due...we must operate out of love now. Well that's my spill on that...very lengthy as you can see, but that has been on my heart for quite some time and I'm just now putting my thoughts into cyberspace lol but newho ta ta for now! Toodles! XOXO

F.A.M.E. and Misfortune

I'm sure you all know this already, but for those that live under a rock (and that's fine because I dwell there from time to time), Chris Brown's much anticipated album, F.A.M.E. is on sale TODAY!! It is already number one on iTunes and it was released earlier in other parts of the world and is reigning as the number one album as well. I will admit, as much of a fan I am of Breezy (that's my baby daddy y'all lol), I downloaded that album as soon as it leaked! I just couldn't wait to hear his new music!! One thing I really love about his album (and just in general) is the variety of sound that he offers to his listeners. He continuously evolves and it is well with my soul! Some of the songs that I liked off the bat just from the sound include She Ain't You, Say It With Me, Up 2 You, Wet The Bed (with my husband Ludacris!! Omg I fell in love with him all over again....he f*** me in the eardrums I tell ya!!!), Bomb, Rock Paper Scissors, and Beg For It. Lol okay that's most of the album, but I will admit the sound immediately sucked me in. One song that I fell in love with lyrically is Next 2 You featuring the Bieber boy. If you just listen to the lyrics, I'm sure you will understand why I love it! But yeah, I really enjoy this album. For those that aren't die hard C. Breezy fans like myself, some might be shocked that he does a lil rapping here and there. But that just shows that he hasn't limited himself both as an artist and as a man and that is very admirable if you ask me. So yeah...cop it!!!!!

Now...for the "misfortune" part of my blog post. I'm not sure if you are aware, but Chris Brown has gotten into some trouble on today. Long story short, he was on GMA (Good Morning America) and performed. He was also interviewed by Robin Roberts. She asked him about the Rihanna incident and Breezy lost it y'all! Went backstage, threw a chair, broke the window, stormed out and whatnot. Now...here is my 2 cents and I'm gon leave it alone (for the moment lol). I must admit that I think both parties were wrong in this. Robin Roberts was wrong (yeah I said it WRONG) for asking Chris Brown about this incident. Ma'am, what does that have to do with the release of his brand new bomb.com album?? NOT A DAMN THING!! Oh but baby daddy...I must admit that that reaction was wrong as well. Not him bustin windows like Ms. Sullivan be singin about though. He really does need to get his anger under control because it will hurt him more than it will help him in the long run. I do sincerely wish that people would let the past be just that...the past! Chris Brown has cried enough and said apologies, and done the required actions of him to prove his redemption. If people aren't sold that he has learned something from it, then that's their burden. Not tryna get churchy, but I'm gon have to go there...I'm so glad God doesn't treat us how we treat each other. It is hard for anybody (not just Chris Brown) to move on and be all that God has called him/her to be when people continuously resurrect the past to hurt and hinder us. But that's the job of a hater...to hate! Haters should be our motivators and not our hinderers. And Chris Brown really needs to get a better team. They are piss poor at their job smh that PR he has is trash!! I will be more than happy to be on his team (*smiles*). And Chris Brown still needs to work on that anger issue...but we are all a work in progress. It's just unfortunate that the skeletons in his closet are broadcasted all around the world. Let's be honest...if someone was to open our closets and put us on blast, we wouldn't want people looking down on us. But it's all a part of growth and development into being the best people that we can be! I love Chris Brown and his music. It's unfortunate his personal isn't personal. The price of F.A.M.E. smh newho that's it. Those are my thoughts on that issue. If you don't remember anything from this blog post remember this GO GET F.A.M.E. and try putting yourself in somebody's else's shoes before passing judgement that you really don't have much authority about passing judgement on. Toodles!!

Blessed, Glory, and other thangs

Okay so this is a very random blog post, but I feel like this topic should be addressed. This has been brought to my attention several times within the week alone and I feel like I really should just put this out there. I don't understand what the deal is about big breast and big butts...I just don't (wow this dog is snoring extremely loudly...she's gonna make me lose my train of thought smh)

So I was out and about the other day and this guy just saw fit to come on over to me express how he felt at that moment in time. He boldly and loudly proclaimed that I had big breasts and was thick and he wanted to suck the juices out of them. Now, I guess there are some women who love that kind of direct approach, however when guys say that to me, it's actually a bit embarrassing to me. And depending on how it is said and what the person looks like, I might just really get ignorant. This type of thing happens to me often unfortunately. Often times, I wear a hoodie because it is very comfortable and it is a small attempt to shield "blessed and glory" from the rest of the world...epic fail.

I was watching my Chappelle Show dvds (man I love that ignorant show lol) and I was watching the sketch when some white woman wished that her boobs weren't so big. Dave Chappelle played a janitor character who was able to take her through different moments of her life to show her what it would be like if her boobs weren't booming in size like they were. In the end, the woman appreciated her tits and lived a happily ever after type life. Let me be real with you...I don't understand the deal with big breasts. For one, I can't sit a certain way sometimes because my breasts will suffocate me. I remember one day I was doing my Wii Fit and did some yoga position and my breasts almost killed me...no really they almost did I never fought that hard for air in my life. Then some clothing I can't wear because my breasts are always a burden and they're so militant acting...like they refuse to stay in certain clothing. I can't even shop at normal stores for bras. I have to make trips to Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart and when I walk in, I feel like the people are looking at me like why is this skank shopping in this store...what do we have to offer her?

Now, some of my friends have been telling me my behind is getting bigger. I have some clues as to why (and no I won't disclose them in this blog I'm not about to put everything out there for the world to be all up in my business, but if you really want to know lol I can help you out), but that makes me feel uncomfortable as well. I guess it's because often times I don't like the type of attention it brings me (actually as I type, my breasts are kind of being a burden, but well I'm used to it). Like honestly the thoughts that go through in a nigga's mind come right out of their mouths...there's no mystery to it at all whatsoever and most of the time, I wish I could stuff the words right back down their throats.

Now I don't want you all thinking that I don't appreciate my body...I really do. I have some pleasant memories with having water jugs and whatnot. Sometimes, I am able to get into clubs and venues for free or discounted. For instance, when I went to see Ludacris at a club in DC, the guy at the door tried to charge me for $40, but with my reasoning and my breasts spilling out, I was able to get myself and my friends in for $10 (sidenote: I learned that my baby Ludacris really does love DD breasts...when I saw him again when he was in Chicago, I was trying to tell him how much I loved him and whatnot and I caught him staring at my breasts...now he can do that because that's my husband but I digress). My assets have gotten me out of several sticky situtations and because I am blessed with them, I have used them to be a blessing to others and got them out of sticky situations as well. The thing that gets me is some people really go all out the way to get what us black women have. White women want big breasts, big butts, and big lips just like what we naturally have. I just think that the people that desire these assets should understand that it's not always as glamorous as people may think. For instance, I will admit I have huge lips. When I was standing in line of the club last week, some dude asked me could I use my lips to service him (I almost had to chop off his mandingo and slap him 7 times with it). See those type of comments I can really live without. No but really...I can.

So what was the point of all of that? Glad you asked. Besides the point of I'm wide awake and have nothing better to do, I wanted all to understand that all that glitters ain't gold. Whether you have big tits, small tits, big booty judies or flat patooties, water cooler lips or small and pursed lips, you are beautiful just the way you are. Embrace what makes you you and love yourself each and every day!

A Typical Halona Moment smh

Hey y'all I know it's been a good minute since I added a post (sorry guys) but here's a new one so get excited!!!!



So some of y'all that know me know that I have the worst of luck and embarrassing moments always trail me. For those that don't know, here's a peak into an everyday life of Anolah smh. So me and my friend was finally gonna go to the club (me and her be gettin it in!!!! And it had been a good minute since we went so we was AMPED!!!) and it started to rain so while I was driving, my left windshield wiper started actin goofy. Like it started to come off a little bit. Now when this happened I was on the eway so I was like oh no I gotta get off and fix it. So I got off and pulled over on the street. Remember I said I was goin to the club...and I was dressed like such. So I got out tryna fix the stupid windshield wiper and boy was I struggling....I was in heels and a short dress and every time ppl drove by, they were just a honkin (not to mention the bus almost hit me). My friend was in the car laughing at me. After about 5 mins of embarrassment, I finally fixed it...or so I thought.
Before we continued our quest to the club, we stopped at McDonalds to grab something to eat. After I placed my order and paid for the food, I started to drive to go to the next window to get my food. Guess what happened next? My stupid windshield wiper flew OFF!!! Like took off like an airplane on the runway!!! When I got out the car, just my luck it got stuck in a weird spot. Let me set the scene, it's raining, I'm in a short dress with heels, and my windshield wiper flew off into a strange small spot...needless to say I struggled getting the windshield wiper and saw the ppl in the car behind me rolling. There's my embarrassing typical Halona moment smh absolutely turrible. Then I had to drive with a gangsta lean cuz I had to depend on the right windshield wiper to wipe as much as the window as possible so I had to lean to the right so I could see. Driving down the street with one operating windshield wiper is the L...luckily I can laugh at that now lol.