Tell Me Again That We'll Be Lovers and Friends...

"Sometime I wanna be your lover, sometime I wanna be your friend, sometime I wanna hug ya,
hold hands, slow-dance while the record spins" (words by my beautiful and sexy husband Ludacris). Well if you haven't figured out today's blog entry by now, let me be blunt in saying that it's about friends with benefits. My fellow blogger CrackCupCakes (crackcupcakes.blogspot.com check her out she's mad hilarious!!!) already tackled this topic, but I however decided to jump on this one because I can personally give a lil somethin somethin 'bout this one too. Enough wit the chit chat, let's get right to it. 

The Good - One of the great benefits of having a friend with benefits is that you get the friend and the sex all wrapped in one. You can have what you want when you want it from that one person that you are hella cool with, but don't want a relationship with for whatever reason (long distance, fear, just got out of relationship, etc.). It is nice to have someone that you can chlll and kick it with and then that same person blow your back out making you have to learn how to walk all over again...(catch it..I need to come out of my thoughts). For some, the whole concept of "no strings attached" is more exciting than a relationship. With the friends with benefits package, you get everything you one for one low cut ghetto price! Okay that sounded kinda prostitutish so let me move on to the next one...

The Bad - So...sometimes this whole "friends with benefits" thing can work to a certain extent. Always pick your "buddy" wisely. One problem is that later on somebody can get caught up in their feelings. They may actually become a tidbit emotionally attached to the person and this can really screw shit up. I don't care what anybody says, sex involves more than the thrusting and pushing of a penis in a vagina, ass, mouth, etc. so believe it or not, eventually sex can complicate things. It really sucks when one person catches feelings, while the other one is still enjoying the booty and the buddy (or the dick and delight of friendship). Then the person all caught up in their feelings has a very difficult choice to make in regards to what to do now. Best bet in that case is to simply end that "benefits" part, but we all know that's easier said than done...esp if that person knows how to make ur eyes Chinese and havin u beggin them and whatnot...smh more power to you

The Ugly - Now this to me has to be THEE worst part of with when friends with benefits goes bad. The worst part to me is when the person you gave this privilege to also has another "friend with benefits" and you find out. Like damn somebody else is riding the same dick or fuckin the same pussy that you thought you dominated. Now, at least with me, I make sure the parties are separated...because I know how men are...I understand the opposite sex. However, with females that catch their "friend" being too friendly with others, females get caught all up in their emotions. One of my friends (that's a male) is confused about why some girl is mad at him. He's such a nigga and the only thing he understands about a female is the juicebox smh but as much as women don't want to admit, we are emotional creatures. I don't care what any woman says, at the end of it all they want love and affection, and after a while the whole "Friends with benefits" thing tends to feel like a relationship after a while. But that's on the end of when it becomes ugly for the female. Now, as for the males, I can only say what I observe and give my interpretation well simply because I don't have a dick and balls jangling between my legs. But from personal experience, it is definitely important to keep your men away from each other because men are kind of protective of their "territory". Now, I'm not saying that women are property, but if men take a liking to you enough for the friends with benefits. Now I can tell you from personal experience that this has to be the case. Long story short, my friend with benefit found out I was at another dude's house and he was acting like a little bitch begging and pleading for me to come and get him. Little did he know, the dude's house I was at is gay so since I'm slangin a dick he had absolutely nothin to worry about. But I digress.

So...what's my stance on friends with benefits? Theoretically it's a great concept...in the end it can fuck one over badly. But, I say enjoy every bit of the ride...life is full of ups and downs so that's just a facet of every part of life. In any and everything that you do, wrap it up. KEEP GETTIN IT IN!!! That is not the world's greatest advice smh. 

Leave your comments about this topic. I think this is an interesting topic that many have come across either in thought or deed at some point in life. 

Ta ta for now...TOODLES!!!  XOXO

Institutionalization...HATE IT!!!

So...I used to joke with my friends a lot about how I hate school and whatnot, but I have come to the sad realization that it is definitely the truth. One thing (and it might really be the only thing that I don't like about college) is that it tries institutionalize how I think. It is one thing to have me learn new things, acquire new knowledge, but then it's a different thing to try and condition me to think a certain way. That is what I do not like. With being an English major, there is a lot of ambiguity. In being an English major we are to learn how to make critical analysis. However, I often feel that if the analysis or thought process isn't how the professor wants it, then it's wrong. I think that is a contradiction. How can one say that one's interpretation of a literary text is right or wrong? If it's different, I can accept it being that, but wrong??? That is where I cannot stand. This isn't to say that this has necessarily happens to me all the time, this is just an observation that I have made in general (happens to me and others).

This second dislike about higher education may be because I attend an HBCU, but I am increasingly annoyed and tired of having to forever over-exaggerate being black. Meaning I am tired of always having to re-affirm my blackness. I am dark skinned, there is absolutely no way I can separate myself from being black just like I can't separate myself from being a woman...it's impossible. I am an individual that doesn't like to be boxed in and always categorized. Granted that means I have an issue with society as a whole because that's all this society does...place labels on me and people in general. Anywho, I always find that I have to write and analyze a lot from the perspective of being a black person. That is too comfortable, especially seeing as to how I attend an HBCU. The unfortunate part is I am not the only one that feels this way...that almost disturbs me. Now I grew up in a church that has taught me to be unashamedly black and unapologetically Christian, but after a while I get tired of always feeling like I bear the burden of proclaiming my blackness...I'm black...enough said.

Where did this whole thing start? Well I was sitting in one of my English classes. In this class we learn about different types of criticism. That's fine...the class teaches us how to analyze works from different perspectives. However, one chapter that I noticed we skipped over in our book was lesbian, queer, and gay criticism. Now from my other blog posts you might wonder why am I always discussing sexuality. This is why...as an African American woman, I know about oppression. The new oppression (not negating that the black struggle isn't over, but it is not the only struggle) is sexuality. If you aren't  heterosexual, you are looked down upon. Point blank period. I find that it is problematic that my class skips this chapter. We can sit up in just about all of my classes and discuss being black all day and night (which becomes a tired discussion to me after a while), but we can't discuss other pressing issues such as sexuality. It bothers me that this is taboo because we are at a university...an educational institution where we are supposed to be free to discuss just about anything. However, I can clearly see that there is still no freedom in being institutionalized.

So now all of that is said and done what does any of this mean? Nothing...just venting. It's unfortunate that I feel this way, but I have to suck it up and keep it moving because I need a degree (actually another one after undergrad) to be what I want to be....an ordained minister. *Sigh* it angers me that I feel this way...I often feel like people won't understand, so this is why I decided to just blog my frustrating thoughts. Anywho it was good posting yet another blog. Like always, feel free to comment on this blog...I want to know your thoughts. Are you seriously frustrated with college? If so, what frustrates you about it? Let it all out..I just did! It makes you feel a little better....*smiles* Ta ta for now...TOODLES!!!

Call Me Crazy But...

So, I have these weird (well what I call to be weird...but who knows it might be normal) thoughts that fly around in my head...here goes some of my thoughts

1. There is a cure for AIDS, a cure for cancer, etc. Pharmaceutical companies are just profiting a lot from the suffering of others. Think about it, if pharmaceutical companies released these cures, there wouldn't be a need for their existence and therefore they would lose money.

2. No one owns money and because of that, there can never be a true definition of wealth. Think about it...who owns the legal tender that is in your pocket? The government doesn't even own the money. It's funny how we talk about how much money we "have", but it's not ours. Now I see why older people were full of pride with the ownership of homes that they physically built...that is something that they can truly call their own.

3. Technology is the devil. Remember the days when we had to memorize each other's numbers? We actually exercised our brains. Now, we barely talk to one another. We text but we barely use our anytime minutes. And if we lose our phones, we feel like we lost our lives.

4. There is a secret plan going on behind hip hop music. There is a reason why hip hop seems to be dumbing us down. Think about it. There was a time where hip hop used to be informative. Now, all we do is dance to rhythmic beats and catchy phrases with little to no meaning. I know I'm supposed to be the change that I want to see...maybe I should jump into this rap game and turn it upside down...not for money and fame, but for necessity.

5. I believe that the government killed Michael Jackson. Now honestly, that is a whole different blog post in and of itself, but I believe that Michael Jackson had a powerful message for the world in his last concert and he was killed before he could even give it to the world. Be clear, if one sits downs and studies Michael Jackson's songs, music videos, etc. one can possibly add up the huge message that Michael Jackson had to deliver to the world.

6. To be ignorant is to be happy. To be educated can lead to sadness. I actually laughed out loud when I typed that. I think this to a certain extent though. Sometimes it is better to not know some things, how things work, how things function, why things are the way they are. The reason why I say to be educated can lead to sadness is because the reality of our world is sad. However, if you are ignorant (meaning absence of knowing) of what is going on and how things function, one can truly be happy. Now I am not saying that we should all be ignorant...I'm just saying that sometimes being educated is definitely a burden.

7. There is no distinction of sexuality. If you want my opinion about sexuality, refer back to my previous blog entries.

8. The best way to live is fight for life so hard that you are willing to die for something.

9. If one is dwelling in his or her thoughts too long and hard, one can be insane (tries to stop thinking now before that happens lol)

10. My thoughts are so out of the box that when I become "somebody" I can be killed because of them...think about the greats that have been killed...and think about how "out of the box" their thoughts are. If a lot of us really exposed some of our thoughts that could better this world, somebody's not gon' like it.

Alright that's enough of all that. Tell me a few of your "call me crazy but..." thoughts. Who knows...you might not be the only one thinking some of these things. Ta ta for now...toodles!! XOXO

Masculinity vs. Feminity: What Truly Defines A Man and A Woman

"This right here is my swag! All the girls are on me damn! Everybody pay attention. This right here is my pretty boy swag! Ay!" "My chick bad my chick hood my chick do stuff that yo' chick wish she could" These songs and several others are songs that are have been anthems for men and women in the black community have defined us. Typically when we describe a man, we talk about his swag (or lack thereof). And when we talk about women, we talk about how she's a bad chick (or make reference to other hip hop/r&b songs that allude to it). However, one thing that I have always noticed is that we often equate masculinity with men and femininity with women. And I often wonder why is that the case? To be quite honest, there are a lot of ways in which we let this society define us, and I have come to the conclusion of sickening it is. We need to define ourselves, but I digress. 

I had a conversation with one of my male gay friends (if you haven't noticed by now, all the gays love me lol) and we had an interesting conversation about what defines a man and a woman. For those that don't know, I am such a tomboy. Even when I was growing up, I rocked corn rolls, shopped in the boys sections of department stores, and played all the boy sports (basketball, football, baseball, etc.). Before I became a member of the DD ministry, I seriously looked just like a boy (times have changed for me, but I still have my tom boyish ways). My gay male friend however looks, sounds, and has the demeanor of a "woman". So...I pose this question to you all...what defines a man or a woman? Does it make me less of a "woman" (whatever that might be) simply because I may be more masculine than some "men". Is a "feminine" man less of a man because of his femininity? 

Another reason why I ponder about this is because the role of women and men has changed over the years. In previous generations, the role of a man was to "bring home the bacon" and the role of the woman was to take care of home. Nowadays, women (in many households) are the bread winners and you can actually find men being the caretakers of home. Now, since the gender roles have changed, does that make a male homemaker less of a man or a career woman less of a woman?

I am almost convinced that masculinity, femininity, man, and woman are all social constructs. If you ask me, I find it perfectly fine for a female to be a little masculine and that doesn't take away from her being a woman, whatever a definition of being a woman is. The same goes for a man...if a man is a little more on the "how you doin" (in my Wendy William's voice) side of life, just because he is more feminine does not take away from the fact that he is a strong black man...or does it? I guess that depends on your working definition of a man and a woman. So let me hear it, how do you define a man and a woman and what role does masculinity and femininity play in your definition? Well that's all I wanted to put out there in the atmosphere today. Ta ta for now...TOODLES!!! XOXO 

The Mentality of this world being Black and White...or is it really?

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR THE CLOSED MINDED!!!

Black and white. Yes or no. Up and down. We have all been conditioned at some point in our lives to believe that it's one way or the other, and hardly ever either or. I often wonder what type of person I would be if it wasn't for the world's heavy influence of dictatorship on my life. One thing that I believe that is NOT black and white is sexuality. Often we hear people claim to believe that they are either straight or gay. I have even heard people say that they do not believe in bisexuality. I will admit, I used to be the same way. However I had a deep (and recurring) conversation with one of my friends about sexuality not too long ago.

First of all, before I can even discuss sexuality, a working definition has to be established. I'm sure if I was to ask everybody what exactly does sexuality mean, we would have several definitions, so for this conversation, I will provide us with a definition, a definition that I may not completely agree with but for conversational purposes, a definition must be established. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sexuality as follows: the quality or state of being sexual: a. the condition of having sex b. sexual activity c. expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive. Now personally, when I read this definition, I can say that I definitely didn't agree with it. The reason why I don't agree with it is because from my interpretation of reading this definition, it kind of equates sex and sexuality and I personally don't think that it's the same (but then I looked in the thesaurus and discovered there are no synonyms for sexuality so maybe the definition doesn't equate sex and sexuality as one in the same...but I digress). HOWEVER, I do not negate the fact that sexuality and sex have some sort of relationship. Now, why don't I think that sex and sexuality are the same thing? You can choose who you want to have sex with (male or female), but you don't choose your sexuality. Some ignorant people (by ignorant I mean absence of knowing) think that sexuality is a choice. That's like telling me I chose to be a female and I chose to be black - it doesn't work like that.

So, what exactly is it that I want to say about sexuality? I may be bold in what I'm about to say, but I am going to say it anyway. I don't think there's anyone that's 100% straight or 100% gay. Yep I said it. I honestly believe that we as sexual being are attracted to certain characteristics...some of which we may only find in men, some of which we may find only in females...depending on one's experience. I'll be bare and honest in stating my claim. I am attracted to men. The certain type of man (in terms of physicality) I am attracted to is a black man with locks, a black man with nice waves, and preferably the man taller than me. That's typically what I am attracted to. Now, I have also found myself walking down the street and seeing these same characteristics in females...but not knowing that she was a female until I got a better look at her. Does that make me gay now? I think not. It just shows that from outward appearance that I am attracted to what I am attracted to...which are locks and waves rocked by a masculine individual. I would go into masculinity and femininity, but I'd rather not lol.

If this world didn't separate gays and straights (or even bisexuality), I wonder if we would claim such titles. This world always tries to categorize us, and we all know that categories are social constructs (and if you don't know, now you know lol). Now, that's not to say that there may not be anyone that's 100% homosexual or 100% heterosexual. But I do often wonder if this world didn't define us, and we as individuals defined ourselves, what type of persons would we be? Would the heavy notion of sexuality be what really defines us? Let's be honest...in the society we live in, sexuality defines a person. I personally believe that sexuality shouldn't define a person...there's more to someone than just their sexuality. However, let's briefly examine why there is such a heavy weight on sexuality.

As an African American and as a woman, I know about oppression. Granted, I was not around when slavery was about, but that doesn't negate the fact that I know about oppression. With that being said, my heart goes out to my brothers and sisters who's sexual orientation and sexuality isn't that of what society wants to define it as...simply straight. A gay man or a gay woman doesn't fit the picture of a husband, a wife, 2 kids, a dog, and a cat with a big white house that our society paints. Religion condemns people straight to hell for having a different sexual orientation. Now, I can save religion and sexuality for another day because that is a discussion in and of itself, but let's be honest, the gay population is also oppressed.

Now, I said all of that to propose to you all to change for a brief second your perception. This world is NOT black and white, yes or no, up or down. If we're honest with ourselves this world has gray in it, it is composed of some maybes, and there's a middle point between two different directions. I chose sexuality because it is so complex, but this thinking can be applied to more than just sexuality. Those are just my thoughts. You can accept them or reject them. That's fine lol. Leave some comments, questions, and concerns. Anywho, I enjoyed writing this entry. Ta-ta for now! TOODLES!! XOXO

I introduce to you....HALONA JACKSON!!!!! *crowd goes wild*

I was having trouble deciding what my first blog post to the world was going to be. I didn't know if I should start off real heavy with a controversial topic or just talk about butterflies. I figured the best way to start off this blog is to simply introduce myself (which is a contradiction because I'm not a simple person *smiles*). Now on to my introduction...which is what this is supposed to be...

GREETINGS!!! My name is Halona Jackson. I am 21 years old, hailing from the world's greatest city hands down...CHICAGO, IL!!! I am currently a student at the prestigious institution, Howard University, and my major is English. At Howard University, I'm somewhat a busy bee. I am a part of the Howard Gospel Choir, which I have been a part of for four years now. As a part of the Howard Gospel Choir, I serve as the chairperson of the Ministry Team. I am also a member of Chapel Assistants (aka CA). I serve on the eBoard as the RFC (Religious Fellowship Council) representative and I was just elected Vice President of RFC (yay me!!! I'm highkey excited).

Now, I'm sure you are wondering (or maybe you're not) what it is that I want to do with my life. At one point in time I wanted to be a librarian, then I wanted to be a pilot, and I kinda wanted to be rapper for a little bit, but what I want to be is (drum roll please......*drum roll*) an ordained minister!!!!! You're excited right? Probably not...and that's fine. There is a semi-long story as to how I came to this calling...that might be a future post to be honest.

So, the reason why I wanted to start this blog is because I've always wanted to discuss various topics in an open type setting. I'm an outspoken individual and with a bold voice and just want to plant seeds just like seeds have been planted within me. My blog will range from topics on sexuality to ants lol. I want my audience to laugh, cry, think, be changed, and be challenged. Also, if you have questions to ask me. If you have a topic that you want my opinion on, tell me. If you hate my blog, express it to me lol. No, but seriously, I want to have fun with this blog, but also be informative and inspirational as well.  So today's blog was just a "hey how you doing?" *in Wendy William's voice*. I hope you're ready for this ride because we're about to take off!!!!! Ta Ta for now...toodles!!!