The Mentality of this world being Black and White...or is it really?

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR THE CLOSED MINDED!!!

Black and white. Yes or no. Up and down. We have all been conditioned at some point in our lives to believe that it's one way or the other, and hardly ever either or. I often wonder what type of person I would be if it wasn't for the world's heavy influence of dictatorship on my life. One thing that I believe that is NOT black and white is sexuality. Often we hear people claim to believe that they are either straight or gay. I have even heard people say that they do not believe in bisexuality. I will admit, I used to be the same way. However I had a deep (and recurring) conversation with one of my friends about sexuality not too long ago.

First of all, before I can even discuss sexuality, a working definition has to be established. I'm sure if I was to ask everybody what exactly does sexuality mean, we would have several definitions, so for this conversation, I will provide us with a definition, a definition that I may not completely agree with but for conversational purposes, a definition must be established. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sexuality as follows: the quality or state of being sexual: a. the condition of having sex b. sexual activity c. expression of sexual receptivity or interest especially when excessive. Now personally, when I read this definition, I can say that I definitely didn't agree with it. The reason why I don't agree with it is because from my interpretation of reading this definition, it kind of equates sex and sexuality and I personally don't think that it's the same (but then I looked in the thesaurus and discovered there are no synonyms for sexuality so maybe the definition doesn't equate sex and sexuality as one in the same...but I digress). HOWEVER, I do not negate the fact that sexuality and sex have some sort of relationship. Now, why don't I think that sex and sexuality are the same thing? You can choose who you want to have sex with (male or female), but you don't choose your sexuality. Some ignorant people (by ignorant I mean absence of knowing) think that sexuality is a choice. That's like telling me I chose to be a female and I chose to be black - it doesn't work like that.

So, what exactly is it that I want to say about sexuality? I may be bold in what I'm about to say, but I am going to say it anyway. I don't think there's anyone that's 100% straight or 100% gay. Yep I said it. I honestly believe that we as sexual being are attracted to certain characteristics...some of which we may only find in men, some of which we may find only in females...depending on one's experience. I'll be bare and honest in stating my claim. I am attracted to men. The certain type of man (in terms of physicality) I am attracted to is a black man with locks, a black man with nice waves, and preferably the man taller than me. That's typically what I am attracted to. Now, I have also found myself walking down the street and seeing these same characteristics in females...but not knowing that she was a female until I got a better look at her. Does that make me gay now? I think not. It just shows that from outward appearance that I am attracted to what I am attracted to...which are locks and waves rocked by a masculine individual. I would go into masculinity and femininity, but I'd rather not lol.

If this world didn't separate gays and straights (or even bisexuality), I wonder if we would claim such titles. This world always tries to categorize us, and we all know that categories are social constructs (and if you don't know, now you know lol). Now, that's not to say that there may not be anyone that's 100% homosexual or 100% heterosexual. But I do often wonder if this world didn't define us, and we as individuals defined ourselves, what type of persons would we be? Would the heavy notion of sexuality be what really defines us? Let's be honest...in the society we live in, sexuality defines a person. I personally believe that sexuality shouldn't define a person...there's more to someone than just their sexuality. However, let's briefly examine why there is such a heavy weight on sexuality.

As an African American and as a woman, I know about oppression. Granted, I was not around when slavery was about, but that doesn't negate the fact that I know about oppression. With that being said, my heart goes out to my brothers and sisters who's sexual orientation and sexuality isn't that of what society wants to define it as...simply straight. A gay man or a gay woman doesn't fit the picture of a husband, a wife, 2 kids, a dog, and a cat with a big white house that our society paints. Religion condemns people straight to hell for having a different sexual orientation. Now, I can save religion and sexuality for another day because that is a discussion in and of itself, but let's be honest, the gay population is also oppressed.

Now, I said all of that to propose to you all to change for a brief second your perception. This world is NOT black and white, yes or no, up or down. If we're honest with ourselves this world has gray in it, it is composed of some maybes, and there's a middle point between two different directions. I chose sexuality because it is so complex, but this thinking can be applied to more than just sexuality. Those are just my thoughts. You can accept them or reject them. That's fine lol. Leave some comments, questions, and concerns. Anywho, I enjoyed writing this entry. Ta-ta for now! TOODLES!! XOXO