So...I used to joke with my friends a lot about how I hate school and whatnot, but I have come to the sad realization that it is definitely the truth. One thing (and it might really be the only thing that I don't like about college) is that it tries institutionalize how I think. It is one thing to have me learn new things, acquire new knowledge, but then it's a different thing to try and condition me to think a certain way. That is what I do not like. With being an English major, there is a lot of ambiguity. In being an English major we are to learn how to make critical analysis. However, I often feel that if the analysis or thought process isn't how the professor wants it, then it's wrong. I think that is a contradiction. How can one say that one's interpretation of a literary text is right or wrong? If it's different, I can accept it being that, but wrong??? That is where I cannot stand. This isn't to say that this has necessarily happens to me all the time, this is just an observation that I have made in general (happens to me and others).
This second dislike about higher education may be because I attend an HBCU, but I am increasingly annoyed and tired of having to forever over-exaggerate being black. Meaning I am tired of always having to re-affirm my blackness. I am dark skinned, there is absolutely no way I can separate myself from being black just like I can't separate myself from being a woman...it's impossible. I am an individual that doesn't like to be boxed in and always categorized. Granted that means I have an issue with society as a whole because that's all this society does...place labels on me and people in general. Anywho, I always find that I have to write and analyze a lot from the perspective of being a black person. That is too comfortable, especially seeing as to how I attend an HBCU. The unfortunate part is I am not the only one that feels this way...that almost disturbs me. Now I grew up in a church that has taught me to be unashamedly black and unapologetically Christian, but after a while I get tired of always feeling like I bear the burden of proclaiming my blackness...I'm black...enough said.
Where did this whole thing start? Well I was sitting in one of my English classes. In this class we learn about different types of criticism. That's fine...the class teaches us how to analyze works from different perspectives. However, one chapter that I noticed we skipped over in our book was lesbian, queer, and gay criticism. Now from my other blog posts you might wonder why am I always discussing sexuality. This is why...as an African American woman, I know about oppression. The new oppression (not negating that the black struggle isn't over, but it is not the only struggle) is sexuality. If you aren't heterosexual, you are looked down upon. Point blank period. I find that it is problematic that my class skips this chapter. We can sit up in just about all of my classes and discuss being black all day and night (which becomes a tired discussion to me after a while), but we can't discuss other pressing issues such as sexuality. It bothers me that this is taboo because we are at a university...an educational institution where we are supposed to be free to discuss just about anything. However, I can clearly see that there is still no freedom in being institutionalized.
So now all of that is said and done what does any of this mean? Nothing...just venting. It's unfortunate that I feel this way, but I have to suck it up and keep it moving because I need a degree (actually another one after undergrad) to be what I want to be....an ordained minister. *Sigh* it angers me that I feel this way...I often feel like people won't understand, so this is why I decided to just blog my frustrating thoughts. Anywho it was good posting yet another blog. Like always, feel free to comment on this blog...I want to know your thoughts. Are you seriously frustrated with college? If so, what frustrates you about it? Let it all out..I just did! It makes you feel a little better....*smiles* Ta ta for now...TOODLES!!!
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