And We're Having This Conversation Because...

So I have come to the conclusion that I have "aspirations to be an ordained minister" slapped on my forehead...only visible to others and not myself. I say this because I am always and forever greeted with a religious conversation. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy them but I would be lying if I was to say that I've thoroughly enjoyed every single conversation that I have ever had in regards to Christianity...a bold face lie.
I had this one conversation with a salesman in Verizon Wireless (when I was being upgraded to the iPhone ministry.....that's somethin to SHOUT ABOUT! HUUUUUH!!!!!) and he seemed interested in me and was asking me personal questions and whatnot. So of course when he asked what do I want to become or do with my degree I told him how I wanted to become an ordained minister. His whole demeanor changed (in a good way). It seemed like the thought that was evident on his face was something he had on his mind for a very long time and was enthusiastic to have this conversation with me. He began to tell me how he does not believe in the holy Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. To be honest, I don't remember his points because what he was saying wasn't really valid, but I told him why I believe in the Trinity. I pretty much said I serve a God that's so great that he is three persons. God is the father, God is Jesus Christ (the son) and God is the Holy Spirit. It's a matter of getting to know God in those three different lights (on top of God being Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Shalom, etc.). At the end of the conversation I honestly asked myself what was the point of all of that?
That conversation to me was one of those pointless religious conversations that seem to be oh so popular in the Christian world. We were charged with a commandment, correction the GREATEST commandment which is to love and we want to debate about if God is one person or three persons. We can't even love our brothers and sisters (regardless if they're black, white, gay, straight, bi, etc), but we want to discuss what happens in the afterlife and we can't this lifetime that we've been alloted to be right at all. We dare argue about if Jesus Christ is black, but we can't serve the least of these. We're all guilty of it. It just annoys me from time to time when people just talk and have discussions just for the sake of having them. Like some of them are seriously pointless. There have been times where I just had to end the conversation because there was no real purpose in continuing it. It was beyond the point of agree to disagree it was just the fact of the matter is the conversation is pointless. I just had to share that little tidbit with you all. And because I said I was going to try and blog more. It is kind of therapeutic in a way...I'll try to keep this up. Anywho ta ta for now! XOXO 

Sex S-E-X..."Daily Dick Diet"

Today's blog title was inspired by S.E.X. by Waka Flocka and the phrase "daily dick diet" came from Ludacris song entitled "Keep It On The Hush" from his Word of Mouf album....my fav album by him *smiles*

Sorry y'all it's been forever and a day since I did a blog, but I just haven't been inspired by any topics. But anywho I'm pretty sure that from the title, you can see what today's post will be about. Now yes this entry will get a tidbit ratchet (esp since I'm listening to Sex Mix 3 by DJ Aris....it's a real good mix y'all I already planned my sex routine to it lbs okay let me stop...oh but I might even post the link I'm tellin y'all this is fye), but I will throw some (hopefully) thought provoking concepts into this blog as well so bear with me. Earlier today on Twitter, one of my followers did a mini Twitter rant about this one woman (I actually had to pause for an entire song cuz Take My Time came on...this one run that Chris Brown does near the end will have any female's vajajay runnin like the Mississippi River...omg back to my original thoughts)who wrote a blog post called "5 Tips for Celibate Living". Her stance on sex is through the lenses of Christianity, no pre-marital sex. She also is against going to the club, listening to sex music (which is thee very thing that I'm doing right now...Beg For It...come out of those thoughts....), and she's even borderline against flirting -___________- and I immediately believed that she has a dusty cooch that ain't been hit ever (which I doubt) or it's been a long time. And I hate to say this but, I think it's because she never had a sexual experience where her eyes rolled to the back of her head and began speaking in a whole different language and didn't know what it felt to have no control over her body. I was able to readily recognize such a woman because I live with one. She hasn't had sex almost as long as I've been alive...that's a major problem! Any female that I know that's always on the grouchy side all have the common denominator of not having either a regular sex life or no sex life at all.

Now, as you all know, I am a Christian and I want to become an ordained minister. But as a christian, I have challenged the bible in several areas. There are things that are in the bible that I do not believe. For example, I am against the scripture that says that women can't preach. I refuse to believe that that came from God. And I also don't think that God is against pre-marital sex...yeah I said it. There are some questions I do want to raise about sex though. Why is sex so important? In our culture, sex is a dangerous power. Sex can change a woman's life from rags to riches. It can be very enjoyable. It can be a deep connection between two people or a fun time. Sex dominates the hip hop culture, and sex has even defined a man and woman's place in society. The way the bible talks about sex for the most part is how terrible it is to do outside of marriage. I find it to be ironic how we live in a sex dominated culture and the bible tries to downplay the reality of sex because sex was definitely big in the biblical times just as it is now. And it really bothers me that in all the 66 books of the bible, there is only one book that is explicit about sex and sexual desires...and that is Song of Solomon (some bibles say Song of Songs). I find that to be very unrealistic in documenting the history of the biblical times. That is why I question it so.

Sex can be such a wonderful stress reliever. I kid you not...it has the power to heal some aches and pains of the body from being stressed out. Why do you think massages feel great? Physical contact on the body is relieving...so sex would definitely be included in such a category. Some of the meanest people I know are without sex. I am more against than for the concept of saving sex for marriage. I for quite some time felt this way, but through the idea out of the window. A piss poor sex life can destroy marriages, break up families, and leave people emotionally shattered. Who would want that? You can't be good at something unless you practice it and perfect the craft and sex, my friends, is definitely a craft.

But even in becoming sexually active, there's the challenge of finding someone who is sexually compatible with you. Good dick (and punani) is hard to come by. It really is! Some men hear beat it out the frame and don't know how to. It's very unfortunate. Some are well equipped in terms of length and width, but it's a waste. Testing the waters is hard, but it must be done (that was really ignorant smh)! I strongly believe that people should talk about sex more openly and freely...not in the sense of the actual freakiness but what each person expects from the sexual experience. That way it will help you weed the rotten ones out. There have been times where after I would go without it for a long time, the stress of my life would take over my body and leave me in a lot of pain. After having mind blowing, body rocking, standing on the fine line between this world and a whole 'notha lifetime, I am refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to face the rest of life. Hardly am I ever sad and whatnot, because I get what my body needs. Now I would go into the whole concept of sex buddies, but that honestly is a whole 'notha blog post. I just felt like from a point of christianity, we as Christians (yes I am including myself) are so holy that we forget to be practical. I believe that the bible doesn't have all of the answers, but that's because if we had all the answers to the questions that we ponder, we wouldn't be ready to handle the answer. It just frustrates me how unrealistic Christians can be in the name of Christianity. Learn to put 2 and 2 together. Question and challenge your belief system. I have found that in my questioning and challenging I've actually become closer to God. There's a reason as to why sex is such a dominating force throughout cultures and throughout time. Maybe it's because I have a young mind or I'm just not conservative. But I just think that sex isn't bad...I believe it's actually healthy. The world would be a better place if everyone had mind blowing sex. High blood pressure and other health issues tagged along with stress would decrease...I can bet money on that. Have safe sex!

Let The Church Say Amen!

Let The Church Say Amen! 

I realize that I haven’t blogged in quite some time. To be quite honest, life has kept me from doing so, but in this blog, my life experiences is what brings me to blog to you all today. These past few months have been nothing less of hell. But what really prompted me to write this....is...church folk. Church folk can be some of the meanest, rudest, shallowest, and most immature people that you may come across. Some can also be some of the most sweetest, kindest, warm, and loving people that you will find. However, I’m talking more so about the bad. I feel compelled to post this because I know that my struggle is very similar to others (if they are honest with themselves). I had a little birdie tell me in my ear that some people (people...more than one...that I don’t consider friends) found out about SOME of the stuff going on in my life and decided to be judgmental and gossip about it. Of course, they haven’t said anything to me, but that’s usually how things like that go. But there are just several things that I would like to blog about...thoughts that have been circulating in my head for some time, but it’s time for those ideas to be manifested in the physical.

God knows me. God knows that I am a strong individual, but in my strength, I am stubborn. God has taken this season in my life to literally break me down to my smallest matter and he reconstructed me over again. And I would not trade not one day of my experiences for this world. One prayer that I often prayed to God was that I desire to be closer to him. I remember growing up, the saints used to always say be careful what you pray for. And I wasn’t careful, but that’s fine fine FINE. One thing that I’ve learned in seeking God’s face is that God will reveal himself to you when you ask. Now, he goes about revealing himself in various ways. The way that revealed himself to me is through trials and tribulations. Some of which he intentionally directed my way and some of the trials and tribulations in which I have brought on myself. But either way, God revealed himself to me. This revelation came to me last month when I had to preach a sermon for a youth revival. It was the hardest (yet most powerful sermon in my opinion) that I have ever preached. It didn’t come from a world of church cliches. It didn’t come from what I heard other people say. It came strictly from my life. But I have learned that in seeking God, God places you in situations where he reveals his power to you. You can’t testify about God being a healer in your body if he never healed you. You can’t testify about God being a lawyer in a court room if you haven’t been placed in a situation for him to do so. You can’t have a testimony about God being Jehovah Jireh, bread when you’re hungry and water when you’re thirsty if you’ve never been in those predicaments.  You can’t testify about God being gracious and merciful if you have never been in those situations. So when you pray to God and honestly seek him, be prepared for the roller coaster ride. 

When I was really young (right before my I hit the pre-teen years), I had a conversation with God. I asked him to do one thing in my life, whenever there was something life changing that would happen to me or something that I would find difficult to overcome that he would give me a warning. And he has kept that promise to me to this day. I have known when close people die right before they leave this earth. I have known relationships and friendships to dissipate before they even ended. I have known disappointments to occur before they have even happened. It’s a gift that God has given me. I can honestly testify that God keeps promises and sticks by my side like no other. God whispered to me before my mother even told me that one of my favorite people in the whole wide world (my grandmother) died. He told me in a still voice when people that I valued very close to me at some point were going to turn their backs on me without even uttering a word of goodbye. But even in all of my “losses”, God always replenishes and runs my cup over. God has blessed me with people who dare to dream. Not only do they dream, not only do they speak about their dreams, but they make moves to making those dreams come true. Right now in my life, I have the BEST people that I could ever ask for and MORE. I’m not talking about the people that know of me. I’m talking about the people that I call friend, that’s a word that I don’t use lightly. They know who they are. 

Another thing God has taught me in this season of my life is that my test is my testimony. I have been abused both physically and emotionally, but I live up to my name each and everyday (Halona meaning HAPPY fortune). Looking at me, no one would ever know all that I have endured, much of which I have never EVER disclosed to anyone. People always wonder why my faith is so strong at the young and tender age of 22. There’s a lot of hell that I have had to endure to get to this point. God has had favor on my life ALL of my life. There have been moments where I have tried to walk away from that favor and be normal. God did not call me to be ordinary...he has and continuously deems me to be extraordinary. I have longed to live a normal life, but that is not the life that God has called for me to live. I have even befriended ordinary people and/or people that live below their destiny, but God did me the biggest favor and removed them out of my life. Even when I bump into those that have hurt and left me, I don’t even flip out and be bitter like I used to. I simply pray for them. Often times, the ones that have a lot to say about someone and their situation are the same ones that don’t offer to help you AT ALL. That type of mentality comes from the hell that I have endured. God has blessed me with a family (not biological, not talking about my adopted family), my church family, to be angels in my life. I have let those who were supposed to be my support system emotionally drain and sabotage me, but because of God’s mercy (holding back the consequences that I am supposed to suffer) and grace (bestowing blessings upon me that I DO NOT deserve) he has sustained me and used me in spite of my trifling self. Many of the biggest moments of my life have also have been the worst, simply because of those that have tried to tear me down each and every step of the way. But because I am a child of God, those weapons that were formed against me never prospered! 

I have even let church people turn me away from going to church for some months. But God told me that if he revealed all of their baggage to me, they have no right or reason to pass judgment or talk ill about me behind my back. While church people love to talk about my trials, don’t forget to end the story with my triumph (if they even know that since they seem to know so much). For some reason, I felt very compelled to write this. Somebody needed to read this. I have come to the conclusion that because of the lack of support and emotional stability that I needed, I stopped loving myself a long time ago. I can openly admit that. But I now understand the saying that God loves me better than I can love myself. I have had several friends call and discuss with me their issues, some of which I struggled with as well. So I told myself, if two people are struggling with this, others are struggling as well. If you don’t remember anything else, remember this: God will challenge you and your faith when you seek his face. Never edit your story or your test because it is your testimony. It is the story that explains why you stand victoriously. I can honestly say that God has impacted me so much that even my worship has changed. When I go to church, I can’t sit next to people that I will be chatty with during the whole service like I used to. I sit by myself so it can just be me and God. If anybody knows me, you know that I am not an emotional person. When I think about the goodness of God, I can’t help but to cry tears of joy and bellow out loud shouts of praise. That’s what God will do to you. God will shift your way of thinking, your way of living, your way of worshipping, and even shift your inner circle. Just when you feel like you are about to give up, remember that each day that God blesses you with to be able to see, it makes you one step closer to receiving your blessing. Don’t give up before God gives you your blessing. This is my way of giving you a somewhat update of my life and words of encouragement to keep on keeping on. Be encouraged!

(Sorry for the length y'all lol it's been a minute since I wrote anything, but thanks for reading it all *smiles*)

I'm Pretty Sure This Is Not Normal...

I have come to the beautifully sad conclusion that I'm past obsessed with Chris Brown. All I wanna do is meet him and tell him how much I love him and juke him at a party. And other things that should only stay in my head. No seriously, I would juke the mess out of him. I'm currently listening to some club type song he did with Akon called Take It Down Low so that's why I'm thinkin about jukin the mess out of Chris Brown. The funny part is don't be surprised if this actually happens. I made several dreams come true with Ludacris...I almost made my dream come true about me wantin to rap on stage with Luda, but instead I was rapping right in front of him with a mic...ugh close enough lol. Okay that's it...this was a pointless entry but an entry nonetheless. Ta ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

A Developing Interest...Christianity and Sexuality

I have come to the beautiful conclusion of a slightly evident, but developing interest of mine. One day, I just might seriously study it. This interest of mine is sexuality and religion (well more specifically Christianity first). Over the years, I have realized how oppressive christianity has become in regards to anybody that's not heterosexual. It often disturbs me. I have a lot of friends that are not straight and I love them to death. I had a conversation some time ago with one of my friends from college that is a Christian. We had a very deep discussion about one of our friends that we knew was gay, but basically waiting for them to admit to us (if that person decided to do so). Anyway, she was telling me how concerned she was because of him being gay, he won't be able to get into heaven. That statement has stayed with me for about a year now (shows how long ago that conversation was lol).

I have come to the understanding that sexuality is not a choice. Just like being black isn't a choice either. I grew up (and still attend, but that might change) in Trinity United Church of Christ, where we are "unashamedly black and apologetically Christian". I will admit I am glad I grew up there because it is important to know and understand as a black person how the world perceives you and defines you, but to also have the power to define one self. The Liberation theology (which is definitely practiced at my church) is a Christian movement in political theology which interprets the teachings of Jesus Christ in terms of a liberation from unjust economic, political, or social conditions and what better place to explore this than that Black Church. There used to be this misperception that you can't be black and a Christian because Christianity is a white man's religion, but this theology helps to re-affirm blackness. Being black and proud was and is still a struggle that needs to be overcome, but I dare to declare that there is a new struggle in the realm of Christianity, being Christian and being gay.


I am only 22 years old so life is just now beginning to unfold itself to me. One thing that I don't understand is how can people be condemned for being born gay? In all my life, I have never encountered God in a way to make me born a sinful way only to be condemned to hell. For instance, being black used to be considered bad. So does that mean I'm going to hell because my mom birthed me as a black child? Being a part of Jesus Christ's team shouldn't be oppressive, if anything you are supposed to find a new freedom in Christ. One thing that I intend to do (not sure when, but I will do it) is to seriously sit and research scriptures that condemn homosexuality and read the true meaning behind it. I often wonder what it would be like if the bible was re-created or updated today. Often times, people take the bible for literal and face value, but the word of God says, "Study to show thyself approved". What does it mean to study? According to dictionary.com to study means, "application of the mind to the acquisition of knowledge, by reading, investigation, or reflection" and that is exactly what I intend to do.


It seems to be very disturbing to me how God can use a prosperity pimp through tax collecting (Peter), a betrayer (Judas), someone who had speech problems (Moses), a WOMAN (Esther, that's for those that believe women can't preach. I refuse to believe that, especially since women were the first ones to be witnesses to Jesus' resurrection, but I digress), and various others in the bible to be vessels and carriers of his word. So, why wouldn't God use a homosexual?

Also, I want to know why is there so much emphasis about sexuality in the first place? Yes God created us as sexual beings. I mean think about it, there is an even a whole book of the bible that has sexual references (look it up for yourself), but for some reason, sexuality (depending on your association) can categorize your downfall as a human being and as a child of God. I really want to know why that is. But of course before that journey begins, I need to research sexuality as a whole. Now, I will admit I have read several times that there is a correlation between being raped (which of course is not a choice) and sexuality, which also sparks my curiosity, but what grabs my attention more is relationship between Christianity and sexuality. 


No one is perfect. But it has always been disturbing to me how some christians are quick to take up God's role of who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. If truth be told, the ones that are scared about homosexuality and the ones that are doing the condemnation are very well afraid to admit it to themselves that they are the same people...that's called self-hate but I digress. So yes, I hope to be able to a study on that one day. That vision has been in my head for a long time. I really believe that we allow the social constructs of this world to define us more than we need to. We are all guilty of it. I think freedom of the mind and spirit is the best freedom to be able to experience. My mission in life is to free the mind of ignorance, think for oneself, and not be ashamed of those thoughts. Well yep there you have it. That's my developing interest. I hope to possibly write a book about it. I don't know we'll see. Ta ta for now...TOODLES! XOXO


P.S. Maybe my next post will be about the validity of the bible...there are several things I question about it. This is why it is important to "study". 

Social Networking Causing Trouble Again

So, I had a chit chat with one of my friends the other day and she told me how one of her friendships ended over a tweet. All I could do was shake my head. I told her it's funny how she said that because I had a friendship end over a tweet that wasn't even about her. This really makes me wonder...how much power do we give to social networking? Social networking can be great. It's a good way to keep in contact with a lot of people all at one time, but for some reason, all good things have some bad to come along with it. Research studies show that websites like Facebook and Twitter have ended marriages. That's crazy! It's ridiculous to know that a facebook status can crush a relationship of years or a tweet can make friendship crumble. I sat and talked with my friend and shared my horror stories with social networking and all we could do was just simply shake our heads.

But then on the other side, it makes me wonder...maybe social networking destroying marriages, friendships, relationships, etc. might not be such a bad thing after all. If a relationship fails because of social networking websites, that just shows how weak the foundation is of that relationship. I realized that after a ridiculous fall out sometime last year (or 2 years ago...lol lost track of time). I thought it was one of those friendships that would last forever, but my shando showed me a dream some weeks before that, and well the social networking incident confirmed that. I promised myself from here on out that with significant others, I would never add them on my Facebook (if they're already on there, then maybe it's a different story...that's a bridge I'll cross when I get to it) and they can't follow me on Twitter. One ex flipped out on me because of a tweet and well clearly you see what happened...he's called an ex lol no hard feelings, I just said don't contact me anymore. But it really makes me wonder is social networking that damn powerful or are our friendships/relationships/marriages simply that weak? Let me know if you have any social networking horror stories. I'd love to read and possibly get a good chuckle from them. Ta ta for now...TOODLES!! XOXO

My World Crumbled!!!!! For All Of A Few Hours lol

WARNING!!!! THIS IS A RATCHET ENTRY!!! So please don't read it, if you don't know me like that...no seriously lol cuz you'll judge me

Okay so a lot of people (when they hear me talk about my shando) always make fun of me, but my shando is ALWAYS right lol hasn't failed me yet. (Excuse me...Ringtone by R Kelly just came on...I'm actually about to juke this chair while I'm in the library lol...anywho continuing with this story). So, I hit up my guy about some green, like I always do, and normally he responds with a quickness cuz I usually get sawbucks from him...regularly. I hit him up...and he didn't quite respond. Now I never call a person unless it's important and after 20 minutes, it became urgent so I decided to call him. He never answered. I text my friend who gets stuff from him as well and she was just as shocked (it's serious lol). So I hit up my old guy...he's pretty whack so I don't hit him up as normal. THIS NIGGA DIDN'T RESPOND TO ME EITHER. Lowkey I was afraid my phone got cut off or something, but of course it wasn't. So me and my friend discussed the possibilities of why he didn't pick up the phone, and I told her my shando feels something turrible has happened. I told her to hit up his friend to see what happened and he hit her back saying he got locked up because of gun charges. Do you know how sad I became??? lol well I was gone so I was in a mixture of laughter and two seconds later sadness...but then right back to laughter. My friend on the other hand (omg she had me crackin up) was acting like the world had ended. She was like, "I'm confused...what are we going to do now???" lmao omg I told her yep we're addicted it's official. But I was so concerned. I even had a convo with her saying I appreciated his business so much, that Hallmark needs to have a card for people like him. He always had me lol any time of the day and he was just great. Smh...but just like my title of this blog says, it only lasted for a few hours. Because of blessed and glory, I was able to get a new guy, with more potent stuff. I took 3 hits and was gone. It really took me 3 days to finish off one blunt. Boy am I a satisfied consumer. I hit him up today and he got some even better stuff for me. Yeaaah buddy! So I learned two things out of this...weeping only endures for a few hours, but joy can be found in a blunt lol okay that was turrible and the second thing I learned was...dang I seriously forgot. Oh well...lol one of my friends said I should blog about this so I did. It's really sad that me and my friend's world was destroyed for a little while, like that's terrible rotflmao I'm laughing at it now, but this was heartbreaking before. Okay I'm done lol ta ta for now! XOXO