Teach Me How To Love...

Sorry for the delay of yet another entry, but I'm only inspired to write once I have learned a valueable lesson in life/revelation. So here's one of my most recent life lesson! *smiles*

(PAWSE *in my Nicki Minaj voice* I love that song by Musiq Soulchild lol he knows he can make some great music about love!) 

One of the most powerful forces in the world is love. Love is something that all people want to experience, no matter what they say (especially the ones that try not to associate with love, they tend to be the ones that simply fear it, but I digress) However, I dare to believe that even though love is something that a lot of people seek and desire, most people don't know what love is. First of all, there are different types of love: Eros (passionate love, with sensual desire and longing), Philia (friendhsip; loyalty to friends, family, and community), Agape (means I love you; refers to a general affection rather than the Eros attraction), Storge (natural affection - felt by parents towards offspring), and Thelema (desire; desired to do something, to be occupied). As a Christian and believer of God, I believe that since God is love, God created us from love and we are created to experience love and to be loved. A part of me feels like Dr. Martin Luther King in the sense of "I Have A Dream". The world that I envision to live in is definitely different than the world of today. I hope that one  of these days, people will realize that there is more to love than Eros. Honestly, how would you feel if it wasn't your destiny to ever experience Eros? Does that mean that you are not destined to experience love? Is that ultimately THEE one love that all should try to acquire in this lifetime and feel less about themselves if one doesn't? If one experiences the other types of love to the fullest but lacks Eros, does that make life not worth living or not lived? I would argue a strong "hell naw!" We have been dangerously socialized to belive that experiencing Eros is the ultimate love to experience or rather that is the only one. People should appreciate Philia, Agape, Storge, and Thelema in addition to Eros. Many people experience these other forms of love and don't even know it and/or fully appreciate it. I am a firm believer in what I say when I say this: if you have a limited scope/outlook on life, you will miss out on a lot of experiences in life. This applies for love as well. I don't think people understand what love is. First of all, love doesn't deal with social confinements of this world. Love is not picky about male or female, black or white, "gay" or "straight" (I don't even bang with those last two terms but I digress). Love deals with the person. You cannot help who you fall in love with based solely on your desires (yes I'm referring to sexual desires). Once mankind understands what love is, then we as God's people can operate with the love of Christ. Because we do not truly know what love is, we can't fully access the power of love (which explains why concepts such as homophobia, sexism, racism, etc. exist because if we operated out of love, these concepts should not and would not be in existence). I really could go on a little longer about this topic of love. I will throw another concept that I have an outlook on in regards to love and then I'll be done with this topic for the moment (at least that's my assumption and intention).
 
The opposite of love is not hate, it's fear. Speaking from personal experience, I have secretly feared the concept of love myself. I have feared love (more specifically Eros) because of how strong its power is. Hate is more so learned behavior with ignorance being the sustainer of its existence. Hate is a mentality that is taught (love isn't taught behavior, it is natural), with fear being the foundation of it. One of the reasons why I am afraid of love is because of the vulnerability that comes with it. The concept of hate stems from fear, and hate is the mask that fear wears and as a consequence, hate is the defense mechanism against love, not the opposite. Hate is ignorance and one can unlearn to be fearful and to love; it is hard to do, but definitely not impossible. Love is something that should be fully explored. Be bold enough to experience love (and life) in totality. Broaden your horizons in order to potentially broaden your life. Ta Ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

Death vs Life

So, many people don't know this, but I am a deep thinker. I think about life in depth a lot. How it is, how it should be, why it is the way it is, etc. Hopefully this won't be a long post, but I just want to get this out because I've been thinking about it for a minute. For those hat don't know, I'm a Chicago native. Nowadays many people fear Chicago because of its high violence and crime rate. And I will say living in Chicago is rough. Death is as common as a black woman and perm these days. And it is perceived as the norm. Someone asked me why is there so much violence in Chicago and it's accepted and not much is really done about it. I believe that humanity has learned how to not care for life and humanity anymore. There's way too much oppression that's going on for anybody to say that life and humanity are sincerely appreciated. I often fear for the black men in my city, especially those that I know, because it is hard living everyday as a black man. I was waiting for the bus one day and a black man was walking down the street just minding his business. Out of nowhere, the police blocked him and was searching him for a long time only to let him go. And this isn't the first time I've seen this. People are killing each other and stealing from one another. Sometimes, stealing is the only option for some people. People kill each other for money. Money is valued much more than life if you ask me. But back to my point, life just isn't valued anymore. Whenever people hear of a death on tv here in Chicago, we just shake our heads. If we watched the news and heard of no killings for the day, that would actually be surprising (or just violence in general). If life was truly valued, there wouldn't be racism, sexism, social and economic disparity, and hate. Even on Twitter, Wikipedia, Facebook, and the internet in general, there have times when rumors of a super star was dead and they are yet still on this side of the River Jordan. That's sick. Even when people are getting beat up or robbed and others are nearby, they generally don't defend or help the victim. I just think it's a sad reality that we do not value life. I'm not even sure where to begin to try to attempt to repair humanity. The issue is that big and healing would be that significant. If we honestly loved with the heart of Christ and acted in the morality of Christ, this world would be completely. I often dream of what God's kingdom should look like and when I wake up and face the world, it hurts to see how huge the difference is. But I have the faith that humanity can bounce back. It will take time, but it's not impossible. Well that was it. I got that out my system so now I'm happy.Ta Ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

CONFESSIONS OF A MUSIC JUNKIE

Sooo...a few times a week, I look for new music. Sometimes it's just of my favorite artists and sometimes it's just in general to see what's out there. While I was on a 5 hr train ride, I started lookin' up music by R Kelly, hoping to find some new stuff by him...thank the sweet baby Jesus that the King of R&B seems to still be doin' his thing! Now I'm just gon post a few youtube video links so you can listen to them. Some of these songs belong on a potential TP-4 album! And then some of his songs are just good period - great instrumental, words, etc. I wonder if I should start posting a lot of the new music that I find, but anywho hope you enjoy some of these songs that I found cuz I know I sure do! P.S. some of these songs aren't complete, but they're still a nice start and whatnot. I JUST READ THAT R KELLY IS WORKING ON ALBUM CALLED BLACK PANTIES...WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE 12 PLAY!! Take yo birth control ladies cuz it sounds like a baby makin album!

Blast From The Past: Friendship + Sex

First of all before I start this topic, I absolutely must get something very important off of my chest...me and Ludacris are meant to be together. Lol now I needed to say that because it's just way too many coincidences that me and him have that support my case. For instance, there was one time in DC he had a Conjure Cognac party and I really wanted to go but didn't have the money. So I tried to get in the club before 10:00 p.m. so I could get in free, but we got to the front of the line at like 10:03 and the man tried to charge me $40. Thank goodness to my features, club dress, and manipulative ways, I got in that bitch for $10 lol. But anywho, when he finally got on stage at the club, guess who he gave some Conjure Cognac to? Yeah you already know...ME! And he gave me 3 cups lol see that's love. Also, I rapped on the mic his lyrics to P-Poppin lol that man loves me. Then he has RTed me TWICE...not once...twice! That's because he loves me. And the first time he tweeted me was when I told him he must have found out he's a married man because of the rumor at the time. And he tweeted me to clarify and reassure me that I am still the one for him lmao. And I have both of his products, Conjure Cognac and Soul by Ludacris headphones (which are GREAT by the way! Go cop 'em!) accounts following me on Twitter. AND my tweet is featured on his Soul by Ludacris website lol he wants me included in all areas of his life. See all my evidence?? lol you can't say I'm crazy now...all that is just way too coincidental for it to simply be a coincidence, it's fate...it's our destiny. lol I know I sound crazy, but anywho into the actual topic of today's post.

Had a very interesting conversation with one of my close friends a couple of days ago. Basically one of his friends (which is a mutual friend) has proposed to him that they become fuck buddies. Now, I addressed this topic in an earlier post, but this conversation enlightened me on some things (and well I was actually out of this world when I was talking to him so I was thinking thoughts I probably normally wouldn't have thought about). The first thing I thought (since I know the both of them) was why was my friend asked this question. If a friend ever asks you to be sex buddies, listen. Out of all their friends in the world, they decided to ask you. Now, because this rose as a concern to me, I immediately thought about how complicated sex can make this friendship. Now I know that one of them can have sex without being emotionally attached, but the other person, not so much. I think feelings would develop from one person and the other not feel the same way, hence causing major tension in the friendship. And at this point, their friendship has grown a lot closer. Also, when considering becoming sex buddies with a close friend, seriously think about how sex can change the friendship and is the friendship at that very moment worth risking?

HOWEVER, on the flip side (yes there is a flip side), there can be definitely be a positive side to becoming sex buddies with a close friend. For those that don't know me, I like to take life on a ride and I also think that complicating your friendship with sex can be one hell of a ride. You have the emotional connection with a friend on top of (hopefully) mind blowing, boot knocking, headboard banging, out of this world...sex. And to be honest, this can be the ride of a lifetime. For all you know, this person can be the one. I have always told myself that I want to fall in love with my friend. I feel like the man I will hopefully be with will start off as my best friend. And well sex has the power to take a friendship to a whole different level. But I do wonder, can one honestly have emotionless sex with a close friend? I mean strong feelings have already developed between close friends without sex...think of how it would be including sex. Another thing that I thought about is fear. My friend was on the fence about the decision and so when he was talking about the negative side of the situation, I asked him what was he afraid of. Often times we allow fear to cripple us in so many areas of life - professional, social, sexual, intellectual, emotional...and the list goes on. I asked him are you satisfied with the idea of this fear holding you back from saying yes? Is fear being a productive role in your decision making? Quite honestly, sometimes fear can be good. It will keep you in check and can potentially protect you from unknown dangers. However, fear can also deprive you of a lifelong happiness. If you are ever put in this situation, evaluate how valid (or invalid) your fear is in regards to the situation. So what is my verdict on the issue of friends with benefits? Well after the conversation that I had plus my own personality, I think I would personally take another risk and have a friend with benefits parter, when I'm ready for an emotional connection. Right now, no strings attached lol that's that good ole single life for ya! There were some other thoughts I had on this topic from the conversation that I can't recall now. Smh I should have blogged about this topic right when I first thought about doing so...shame on me. Anywho, leave your comments, questions, and concerns on this post. Hope this shines a brighter light on that situation and challenges you in thinking...or something lol newho ta ta for now! TOODLES! XOXO

Real Vs Reality

So for the past couple of months (and for a couple more months), I have been taking advantage of the Netflix free month deal they have going on. Now I wanted Netflix because I wanted to be able to catch up on great shows that I never watched before since I'm not such a tv head. The first show that I said I would watch was Desperate Housewives. I know that I'm extremely late, but this show is absolutely GREAT! (My fav character is Bree...lowkey she's a goon and she gets mad respect from me lol) I have been depriving myself of this show all of this time!! I love this show for several reasons, but mainly because it makes me think. I love this show because to me honestly it might be one of the realest shows out on television. We often paint this picture of perfection of what life is and should be, but on Wisteria Lane, these perfect houses with perfect looking families all have secrets behind closed doors. And not just little secrets, huge, blown up, in your face, Jerry Springer and Maury type drama. To me the show challenges the perception of love, sacrifice, and morality. And I love the underlining hints of religion (not surprising huh). But anywho while I was watching this show, it made me think about what is real and reality.

To me, the concept of "real" or "realness" is nothing but societal standards. It is sometimes sad to see people strive for a social construct that can't and won't be obtainable. One always says that they want someone who is real, that keeps it 100, however, that concept can never be obtained. The reality of the matter is that there is no one who will keep it 100. The reality is people are human and always will be. When will we ever accept that? Even with the characters of Desperate Housewives, the bonds of their friendships are everlasting, but it was always tested. That's just how it is in life. The reality is that life is nowhere near perfect. Life is very complex and challenging and we always try to downplay the reality of this thing called life. Why is always so hard to accept the bad in life? We always try to cover it up with social colloquialisms that are by society's standards and not defined by our own standards. Imagine defining what life means to you and fully living it out, whether it is what is considered "moral" "right" "weird". Point is, we confined something so vast as life by allowing others to dictate to us who we should be and how we should live. The concept of real simply doesn't exist. The reality of the concept of real and realness are that it's unattainable. Life is challenging, embrace it and conquer it. That is all! Back to finishing off this episode of Desperate Housewives courtesy of good ole Netflix!

And We're Having This Conversation Because...

So I have come to the conclusion that I have "aspirations to be an ordained minister" slapped on my forehead...only visible to others and not myself. I say this because I am always and forever greeted with a religious conversation. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy them but I would be lying if I was to say that I've thoroughly enjoyed every single conversation that I have ever had in regards to Christianity...a bold face lie.
I had this one conversation with a salesman in Verizon Wireless (when I was being upgraded to the iPhone ministry.....that's somethin to SHOUT ABOUT! HUUUUUH!!!!!) and he seemed interested in me and was asking me personal questions and whatnot. So of course when he asked what do I want to become or do with my degree I told him how I wanted to become an ordained minister. His whole demeanor changed (in a good way). It seemed like the thought that was evident on his face was something he had on his mind for a very long time and was enthusiastic to have this conversation with me. He began to tell me how he does not believe in the holy Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. To be honest, I don't remember his points because what he was saying wasn't really valid, but I told him why I believe in the Trinity. I pretty much said I serve a God that's so great that he is three persons. God is the father, God is Jesus Christ (the son) and God is the Holy Spirit. It's a matter of getting to know God in those three different lights (on top of God being Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Shalom, etc.). At the end of the conversation I honestly asked myself what was the point of all of that?
That conversation to me was one of those pointless religious conversations that seem to be oh so popular in the Christian world. We were charged with a commandment, correction the GREATEST commandment which is to love and we want to debate about if God is one person or three persons. We can't even love our brothers and sisters (regardless if they're black, white, gay, straight, bi, etc), but we want to discuss what happens in the afterlife and we can't this lifetime that we've been alloted to be right at all. We dare argue about if Jesus Christ is black, but we can't serve the least of these. We're all guilty of it. It just annoys me from time to time when people just talk and have discussions just for the sake of having them. Like some of them are seriously pointless. There have been times where I just had to end the conversation because there was no real purpose in continuing it. It was beyond the point of agree to disagree it was just the fact of the matter is the conversation is pointless. I just had to share that little tidbit with you all. And because I said I was going to try and blog more. It is kind of therapeutic in a way...I'll try to keep this up. Anywho ta ta for now! XOXO 

Sex S-E-X..."Daily Dick Diet"

Today's blog title was inspired by S.E.X. by Waka Flocka and the phrase "daily dick diet" came from Ludacris song entitled "Keep It On The Hush" from his Word of Mouf album....my fav album by him *smiles*

Sorry y'all it's been forever and a day since I did a blog, but I just haven't been inspired by any topics. But anywho I'm pretty sure that from the title, you can see what today's post will be about. Now yes this entry will get a tidbit ratchet (esp since I'm listening to Sex Mix 3 by DJ Aris....it's a real good mix y'all I already planned my sex routine to it lbs okay let me stop...oh but I might even post the link I'm tellin y'all this is fye), but I will throw some (hopefully) thought provoking concepts into this blog as well so bear with me. Earlier today on Twitter, one of my followers did a mini Twitter rant about this one woman (I actually had to pause for an entire song cuz Take My Time came on...this one run that Chris Brown does near the end will have any female's vajajay runnin like the Mississippi River...omg back to my original thoughts)who wrote a blog post called "5 Tips for Celibate Living". Her stance on sex is through the lenses of Christianity, no pre-marital sex. She also is against going to the club, listening to sex music (which is thee very thing that I'm doing right now...Beg For It...come out of those thoughts....), and she's even borderline against flirting -___________- and I immediately believed that she has a dusty cooch that ain't been hit ever (which I doubt) or it's been a long time. And I hate to say this but, I think it's because she never had a sexual experience where her eyes rolled to the back of her head and began speaking in a whole different language and didn't know what it felt to have no control over her body. I was able to readily recognize such a woman because I live with one. She hasn't had sex almost as long as I've been alive...that's a major problem! Any female that I know that's always on the grouchy side all have the common denominator of not having either a regular sex life or no sex life at all.

Now, as you all know, I am a Christian and I want to become an ordained minister. But as a christian, I have challenged the bible in several areas. There are things that are in the bible that I do not believe. For example, I am against the scripture that says that women can't preach. I refuse to believe that that came from God. And I also don't think that God is against pre-marital sex...yeah I said it. There are some questions I do want to raise about sex though. Why is sex so important? In our culture, sex is a dangerous power. Sex can change a woman's life from rags to riches. It can be very enjoyable. It can be a deep connection between two people or a fun time. Sex dominates the hip hop culture, and sex has even defined a man and woman's place in society. The way the bible talks about sex for the most part is how terrible it is to do outside of marriage. I find it to be ironic how we live in a sex dominated culture and the bible tries to downplay the reality of sex because sex was definitely big in the biblical times just as it is now. And it really bothers me that in all the 66 books of the bible, there is only one book that is explicit about sex and sexual desires...and that is Song of Solomon (some bibles say Song of Songs). I find that to be very unrealistic in documenting the history of the biblical times. That is why I question it so.

Sex can be such a wonderful stress reliever. I kid you not...it has the power to heal some aches and pains of the body from being stressed out. Why do you think massages feel great? Physical contact on the body is relieving...so sex would definitely be included in such a category. Some of the meanest people I know are without sex. I am more against than for the concept of saving sex for marriage. I for quite some time felt this way, but through the idea out of the window. A piss poor sex life can destroy marriages, break up families, and leave people emotionally shattered. Who would want that? You can't be good at something unless you practice it and perfect the craft and sex, my friends, is definitely a craft.

But even in becoming sexually active, there's the challenge of finding someone who is sexually compatible with you. Good dick (and punani) is hard to come by. It really is! Some men hear beat it out the frame and don't know how to. It's very unfortunate. Some are well equipped in terms of length and width, but it's a waste. Testing the waters is hard, but it must be done (that was really ignorant smh)! I strongly believe that people should talk about sex more openly and freely...not in the sense of the actual freakiness but what each person expects from the sexual experience. That way it will help you weed the rotten ones out. There have been times where after I would go without it for a long time, the stress of my life would take over my body and leave me in a lot of pain. After having mind blowing, body rocking, standing on the fine line between this world and a whole 'notha lifetime, I am refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to face the rest of life. Hardly am I ever sad and whatnot, because I get what my body needs. Now I would go into the whole concept of sex buddies, but that honestly is a whole 'notha blog post. I just felt like from a point of christianity, we as Christians (yes I am including myself) are so holy that we forget to be practical. I believe that the bible doesn't have all of the answers, but that's because if we had all the answers to the questions that we ponder, we wouldn't be ready to handle the answer. It just frustrates me how unrealistic Christians can be in the name of Christianity. Learn to put 2 and 2 together. Question and challenge your belief system. I have found that in my questioning and challenging I've actually become closer to God. There's a reason as to why sex is such a dominating force throughout cultures and throughout time. Maybe it's because I have a young mind or I'm just not conservative. But I just think that sex isn't bad...I believe it's actually healthy. The world would be a better place if everyone had mind blowing sex. High blood pressure and other health issues tagged along with stress would decrease...I can bet money on that. Have safe sex!